Diary

Diary 1

I have this weird classmate na pumapasok na lang yata ng school para matulog. And it happened that I have a crush on him.

So, Harwell David is a lone guy, kinda rude. Nasa iisang apartment lang kami. His family isn't very well off and mostly I had to cover both of my ears every night as so I wouldn't hear the screams from their room.

"T*rantado ka! Nagmamarunong ka na?! Wala ka ngang silbi!" And a loud thud went on.

Paglabas ko ng kwarto ay iyon agad ang bumungad sa pandinig ko. This neighborhood really sucks. Should I blame the landlord that their apartment isn't a soundproof?

I almost jump when Harwell came out from their room. Malakas niyang isinara ang pinto at pinahiran ang dugo sa gilid ng labi. He was badly beaten.

When he noticed me watching him, he arched a brow.

"You can ask me to cut your ears out. Only if you don't wanna hear our fights anymore every single damn night." He smirked as if something's funny.

"A-ayos lang. Hindi naman gaanong, uh, masakit sa tenga."

Hindi kami masyadong nag-uusap sa school and I presume this is the first time he talked to me. He's not that approachable to begin with anyway.

I don't know exactly kung pa'no ko siya nagustuhan. I just knew one day I became so interested with him. Despite his intellect and competency, parang lagi siyang walang gana. He could surely ace in acads if he won't spend most of his time sleeping all day!

He's living with his Mom, baby sister, and his drunkard stepfather. Good thing, I live alone so I don't have to deal with some family dramas.

One afternoon, I found him sleeping on a grass-dito sa lilim ng puno at pinakasulok na parte ng school grounds. Of all places, wala talagang pinipiling lugar ang antukin na lalaking 'to!

"Hey, gising. Uwian na." Tinampal ko ang pisngi niya, only to realized he's not breathing, like dead. What the hell?

Kinapa ko ang pulso niya. I panicked because I felt nothing! Niyugyog ko siya and to my relief, he finally woke up, gasping for air.

"Thought you're already dead! 'Yan! Lagi ka kasing tulog! Baka makatulog ka na habambuhay!" I exclaimed.

"Relax, this just my Sleep Apnea. It's normal. Get over it," kalmado niyang sagot. Tumayo siya at iniwan akong naguguluhan.

A what?! Until I got home, napapaisip pa rin ako. If he has that disorder, isn't it too dangerous that the more time he'll sleep, the more the risk because it'll pause his breathing for at least 10 seconds!

By then I knew about his disorder, I start tagging along with him. Somehow I hope, we'll be friends.

"Sa'n mo 'ko dadalhin?" iritadong tanong niya. Kanina ko pa kasi siya hinihila.

"Sa Mall, libre ko!"

"Ikaw na lang, inaantok ako." He yawned. Malas niya, hindi ko siya hahayaang matulog ngayon. He needs a break.

Wala rin siyang nagawa sa pamimilit ko. I treated him in a movie theater and we played in arcade. Hapon na at nagpahinga muna kami sa amusement park. Katabi ko siya sa bench, kumakain ako ng ice cream at siya naman ay bagot na nakapikit.

"You should be scared of falling asleep because you might not be awake anymore," usal ko.

"Nah. I love sleeping. It is when I can forget about everything. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. Kahit saglit lang, gusto kong makalimot." Pumungay ang mga mata niya nang idilat ito.

"But you have a Sleep Apnea. Hindi 'yon normal and if you left it untreated, it'll kill you."

"I have it since I was a kid. It's nothing, doesn't matter. Uuwi na 'ko." Now he looks mad again. Naglakad na siya at hinabol ko ang mga hakbang niya.

"Harwell! Alam kong magulo ang buhay mo but you have to be careful. Pa'no kung biglang hindi ka na magising? Pa'no kung-" Huminto siya at galit akong nilingon.

"Yes! I've already think of that! So what is it to you? And can you... can you stop following me around?! Ano ka, aso? We're not even friends, so leave me alone!"

I took a step backwards and surrendered. He's right, I went overboard. Nakalimutan ko kung sa'n lang dapat ako sa buhay niya.

Since that day, umiiwas na ako. Until nabalitaan ko na lang na namatay na ang Mom niya, and worst, his sister too. I don't know the whole story, but I think his stepfather has something to do with it.

Ilang weeks ko siyang hindi nakita. And I remembered that it's his birthday tomorrow. Siguro naman ay babalik siya sa apartment, that, I prepared something for him up in the rooftop.

And I was right, around 7pm, nadatnan ko siya sa labas ng room nila. He looks pale and there were dark circles under his eyes. Lalo siyang namayat.

"H-harwell." I was stunned when he pulled me for a hug. Ibinaon niya ang mukha sa leeg ko.

"Ba't ngayon ka lang?"

"I have planned to come home after their burial. That bastard killed my Mom, my sister. W-wala ng natira sa'kin. What more could I lose?" His voice cracked. I let him mourn.

He is beyond broken right now and it hurts how he forgot that he still have me.

Inaya ko siya sa rooftop pagkatapos. I know it's yet early but I want to be with him 'till the start and end of his birthday hours.

"Surprise! Parang picnic lang naman 'to. It's not that grand but..."

Nagulat ako nang hinalikan niya ako. It was a brief moment and my world tumbled over.

"This... will probably be the best night of my life," he whispered.

Hours flew so fast. Paminsan-minsan ay sinasapo niya ang dibdib. I'm worried but his eyes tell me not to be.

"I love you, and I'm sorry." Pinagsaklop niya ang mga daliri namin. Bumaba ang tingin ko ro'n.

"W-why..." I can't believe he said that because all along I assumed that the feeling isn't mutual!

"I'm tired." Tipid na ngiti ang isinukli niya sa gulat kong ekspresyon. "Will you stroke my hair until I'll fall asleep, please? Do it gently."

Hesitantly, I nodded. "S-sige."

Then he laid down on the blanket, eyes closed, while I'm humming a tune as my fingers gently stroke his hair. Minutes passed, I felt his heavy breathing, then it stopped for a seconds.

I held him in silence as my eyes dripped in tears. It's happening again. I looked at my wristwatch, counting down the seconds.

"H-happy Birthday, Harwell."

I pressed my face on his chest and sobbed unceasingly. Because after the last seconds, I can't feel his heartbeat anymore.

©️Kahlan Amnell