Diary

diary 3

NEVER LIKE SOMEONE FROM YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

"Tropa-tropa lang tayo rito, a. You see, if ever two in here set their toes out of line..." Blah blah blah. Ilang beses ko na 'tong narinig mula kay Alfie. I know the drill, alright.

Everyone's taking our friendship matter seriously as if we've signed a contract about not getting close romantically with any one from the group, lol. We have the closest friends around pero sina Alfie, Kelsey, Brea, at Tan ang talagang lagi kong kasama-best buddies ever since our first years in middle school.

"Here, Hannah. As promised." Seems that all senses left out my system with Tan's next to me. He hand me over a bag of chips and a paper cup of my ever favorite hot chocolate.

"Hoy, hoy, Mang Tan. Ba't si Hannah lang may pa-ganiyan? Siya lang ba ang nagre-review rito, ha?" Brea grumped hilariously on her seat. All five of us are rounded up at one corner of our classroom, poring over our notes for the long quiz.

"Sira, bayad 'to sa utang ko kay Hannah." Natatawa ako nitong inakbayan, halos bumagsak ang buong balikat ko sa bigat niya.

Out of that reason, I feel like my insides' going to jolt up. I love my friends, but there's this difference I couldn't contain when it comes to Tan. I like him, a lot. More than I should not. Wala akong pinagsabihan, kahit motibo hindi ako nagbigay.

Assuming I'm the only one who's secretly lovesick among the group, turns out Kelsey was being unusually odd lately. She couldn't leave her phone away and barely even talk to us.

"Hey, nagtatampo na sina Brea." I linked an arm around hers. Gulat siyang napabaling sa'kin. It's no mistaking her cheeks flushed over something she read from her phone awhile ago. Nakakahalata na talaga ako. Nang maispatan ko siya sa waiting shed no'n, I personally asked her and wasn't surprised at all by her reply.

"The thing is... there's this guy, and uh, we're dating. Please, Hannah? Best if you won't mention this to them yet. Saka na siguro, after ng finals." There's a glint of anxiety upon her eyes, faded shortly as I gave her an assuring smile.

"It's no problem if you want it private, Kels. We just miss your daily loud mouth," asar ko pa. Maiintindihan naman namin kung may boyfriend siya, basta hindi siya makakalimot sa'min. Though I couldn't work out why she's so tense 'bout it.

"So, ikaw naman, tell me something. Got yourself a love of interest?" she probed. Thinking it'll be unfair to not tell her back, inamin ko na sa kaniya na gusto ko si Tan. To my anticipation, her face paled of shock, then went blank.

"Don't you give me that look. Alam ko naman, e. I don't want any conflict, too. And better if we're all be staying just this way to last long, gaya ng sabi ni Alfie. Basta... secret lang din natin 'to, ha?"

A supposedly secret nearly slipped as my stupidity swept in that night of Brea's birthday party. Binalikan ako ni Tan pagkatapos niyang akayin sa guest room ang ilang nalasing naming kasama.

"You'll sleep here? Dapat pala pinasabay na kita kayna Kelsey at Sasha kanina-oh, shit, Hannah! Careful, will you?" I was drunk, my weight toppled against his chest. Tan guides a hand on my hip and cupped my shoulders in balance.

I, for gracious sakes, couldn't help the wanting to kiss him. Almost! My lips landed on the side of his jaw instead. I'll be doomed only if I didn't pull a grip back to myself!

Hindi ko makalimutan ang insidenteng 'yon kaya text ako nang text sa kaniya. Naiilang na rin akong lumapit.

Tan:
You still on that? No trouble, you used to kiss the girls anyway: )

Clutching my phone, frustration heightened in me. Ewan ko sa'yo, Tan! Even we're on the same space or he's in a little way distance, either we'll exchange texts, or never talk at all. 'Kala tuloy nina Alfie may away kami.

"Stop the fussy funky texting, Hannah. Ultimo paghingi ng papel, ite-text mo pa sa'kin." He placed a cup of my all-time preferred drink on my table. Kalma, Hannah! Kaibigan mo lang 'yan!

Buti na lang nagka-ayos na kami no'n. Geez, why does liking him appears to be some sort of treason I'm guilty of? Kaytagal ko 'tong tinago, it's not like there's a switch button thing to shut my feelings.

When all I thought there'll be no day for Tan's chance of liking me back...

"Ikaw, tsk. Duda na talaga ako sa'yo, Tan. May jowa ka, 'no?" Alfie grappled Tan's neck from behind.

"Gago, layo ka nga. Wala, hindi pa!"

"Oh, c'mon! One year na lang graduate na tayo ng college, sabihin mo na kahit name lang. 'Syado kang pa-thrill!" Napasipol si Alfie, "Gan'to kung ayaw mong sabihin, just throw a look when that girl's come around. Para makita na rin namin, okay?"

Natigil ako sa pagsusulat at nag-angat ng tingin. An uneven beating of my heart rang my ears as I met Tan's starry eyes. He picked up his phone-seems about to compose something, while I slid a hand for the phone in my pocket, expecting a beep for his text.

Now after half a decade, time moves swiftly onward. I rose to my heels after the make-up artist did her finishing touches. Nasa tabi naman si Alfie na kanina pa nangti-trip.

"Oh, look at you, Hannah our banana. I'll pay to get you on a billboard, for you are the ever seen fascinating bride-Aray, tang'na naman." Alfie was cut short as Brea leapt to us for a tight hug.

"I missed you, guys!" She flashed a cheeky grin, looking vibrant on her peach infinity maxi dress.

"Can't believe ikakasal na ang dalawang taksil. Sabi ko na, may something na talaga noon, e." Alfie blurts out dramatically between their laughters. I managed a faint smile and turned to Brea.

"How's going on with Kelsey? Dadating pa ba?" biro ko.

"You know she wouldn't want to miss this day, male-late raw siya konti."

Alfie did a great job organizing the wedding, just as Brea made the most out of special day's floral arrangements. Some supportive friends they are, ang tagal ng samahan namin.

At long last, the wedding has set off. I tore my eyes away in no wanting for the sight of Kelsey, on her fine wedding gown, ambling her way towards the man I wished was mine.

Kung inakala kong hindi ako magugustuhan ni Tan, hindi pala talaga. That day's a joke the moment I thought I'm the one Tan's been looking out for. I waited for a text that didn't come, not sooner I've figured out na si Kelsey pala ang tinitignan niya sa likuran ko. Doon ko napagtanto lahat.

Never more than like someone who belong from your same circle of friends. At this case, halos hindi ko matanggap noon na makipag-kaibigan pa sa lalaking minahal ko, at maging kaibigan din ng babaeng mahal niya.

My heart sank even lower, looking down the same peach maxi dress I wore... and wished I'm more than just a bridesmaid.

©️Kahlan amnell