Am I Wrong (Stay Part 2)
"Why would I stay?" Alison asked and crossed her arms looking questionably at Emily. "I don’t want to be alone tonight." Emily nearly whispered, she had to ask, they needed to figure this out this time. "Look Em, I don’t think that this is a good idea." Alison didn’t looked into her eyes when she said it and Emily looked down to the floor, well what had she expected? Sure, a part of her hoped that Alison would feel the same, but maybe she was wrong. "This whole thing isn’t a good idea, but we’re still doing it." The words slipped out before she even thought about what to say and Alison looked at her shocked.
"What?" Emily didn’t wanted to look into Alison’s eyes, she didn’t wanted to explain, didn’t wanted to confess her feelings, she was scared about Ali’s reaction, but she didn’t really had a choice. "Look, for how long have we been doing this? A couple of weeks, months? You call when you need me and after we’re finished you disappear every time, it isn’t important what I might want, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is the truth and I don’t think that we can keep on doing this, I don’t think that I’m able to do this any longer."
Alison looks stunned, it seems like she lost the ability to speak, so instead Emily keeps on confessing her feelings, because she’s already gone too far to stop it now. “It is possible that I’m totally wrong with this, but I know that you could have everyone, yet you’re coming back to me, and I want to know why, Alison. Why do you keep on calling me, when you could have someone in your bed everyday, I don’t get it, it would be way easier to disappear afterwards, without the danger of getting attached, which is what you want, right? Or is this what you keep on telling yourself, because if you’re honest with yourself, maybe this is what you really want? A relationship with someone who cares for you instead of meaningless one night stands? I can see that you care Ali, why do you still try to hide it, I really don’t get it and it’s driving me crazy, because I still don’t know where we stand and if we’ll ever have a chance as more and it’s really unfair to take advantage of my feelings for you.”
Alison is still silent and Emily is freaking out inside because the blonde has to say something, she can’t just sit there and say nothing, does she even care? Or is this just one big sick game for her, because currently it seems like it is and she doesn’t want to think about it, because she still hopes that they could be something more than friends, even if it’s a hopeless dream, it’s the way she feels and nothing can change this.
"Could you please say something? You can still tell me that I’m completely wrong and that you don’t feel anything for me, I’ll accept it. But you can’t keep silent, because if you don’t feel the same we need to stop this here and now because I can’t keep on doing this, if it means nothing to you."
Finally Alison looks up “I don’t know what to say to you, Em.” She looks… somehow scared, but this doesn’t make sense, why would she be scared? “It’s a simple question Alison, do you have feelings for me that go further than friendship or not…?” It’s probably not a good decision to push Alison, but Emily really needs answers and she needs them now. “Yes… But, what if I don’t want us to be official, Em?” Emily looks at her with wide eyes, did Alison really say that she has feelings for her too? “Wait, what? So you want to be with me, but keep it a secret? So basically you want to keep this the way it is, so nothing has to change? Are you really sure, that you have actual feelings for me and that you’re not just in need of a warm body?” Emily is sort of angry, or hurt, definitely more hurt, because she doesn’t get Ali’s point, why would she keep their relationship a secret if she really had feelings for her?
"I’m scared, okay?! Believe me Em, I do love you, but I don’t think that I can be officially with you." "Why are you scared?" Emily whispers, keeping her distance when all she really wants to do is to wrap Ali in an embrace and never let her go. "I don’t know what other people might think about us, I don’t want to know how they would react, it’s… I don’t know, it feels like nobody would approve our relationship and I’m just… scared of what might happen, if we get together because this is a huge decision and it would change so much, I’m just afraid of what the people would think…" "Can you like not think about what others might think about us?! This isn’t about other people, Alison. This is about us! It’s about the way we feel for each other and if your feelings aren’t enough for not caring about what others might think, I don’t think they’re enough for a working relationship. I think that you should go…"
It breaks her heart to say this, but she doesn’t has a choice, she can’t keep on doing this, Alison might can pretend to love her, but if she isn’t able to confess it, how can she believe that it’s real? Emily looks up, seeing Alison still standing in the doorframe, tears in her eyes. “Please Em, believe me that I love you, I know that I have hurt you, I know that I pushed you away way to many times and that I still do it, but I care for you and I want to be with you, I’m just not ready to label this, I know that I want to be with you, I just need some time before we made it official and I don’t know if this is enough for you, I know that you deserve better, because I treated you really bad and you deserve the world, but please, give me one last chance, because I really want us to be together.”
She looks so genuine, like she actually means what she says and Emily simply has to believe her, because the tears in Alison’s eyes and the look she is throwing at her right now can’t be a lie. “Okay, we don’t have to be official right now, but when we’re alone, just the two of us…?” “I won’t run away again, I promise.” Alison says and slightly smiles, before she comes into the room again. “So, we’re kind of dating?” “Yeah, I think I deserve a date.” Emily smiles and Alison grins “I think I can figure something out.” “So, you’re staying this time?” Emily asks and Alison nods, before she gets rid of her clothes and curls into bed next to Emily.
"I’m glad, that you’re staying." Emily whispers into Alison’s ear, while she wraps her arms around the blonde who shifts impossibly closer. "I’m too, I love you." Alison mumbles, before they both fall asleep into each others arms. The last thing Emily thinks, is that after all she wasn’t wrong and that they indeed have a chance, sometimes you have to fight for the things you want to have.
