letters

Box Of Letters

Patryck shook as he sat in the lobby. Paul held his hand as Patryck reread the note.

Hey dads! Ha, I never thought that I would be writing this note. Well, a year back I had written one, but I don't think that I was as serious as this. I mean, obviously. I'm dead now, right? Maybe. I don't know. I want to to tell you that it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. You guys were great and you did everything for me. It...It was just me. I couldn't stand me any longer. I don't know how the hell you put up with me for so long. Jesus, I'm sorry.

Paul, I know that I disappointed you, even if you said that I didn't. I wasn't your blood family, something that you used to pride yourself on. I know that I caused you and Patryck a lot of problems, especially when I was younger. I'm sorry. I know that you and Patryck already had it rough and I just ruined it for you guys. Everything that you worked hard for, I ruined. I'm sorry.

Patryck, I know that you have such bad anxiety and I can't imagine what this is doing to you right now. I'm so sorry. I know that you always wanted me to tell you everything, but I knew that I couldn't. You cared so much and I never wanted to make you hurt. Well, that's kind of ironic...huh? You're probably in so much pain right now and I can't say sorry enough.

I love you both so much. I'm sorry that I got in the way of the life that you wanted.

————————————————————————

Edd held Matt close as Matt cried. Edd was fighting back tears of his own, but he had to be strong for Matt.

"I tried Edd, I wanted to talk to him, I never thought that this would happen," Matt cried. "It's my fault, I should've noticed. He trusted me to know what it was like and I let him down."

"No, Matt, you didn't. This entire thing isn't your fault," Edd whispered.

Hey, Matt. How are you? I'm a little drunk while writing this, so sorry if I ramble too much.

Matt, you and Edd are like brothers to me, I'm not going to lie. You've all been through so much that I'm sorry to bring my shitty presence into your life. Well, worry no more! I'll be gone forever...just the way that everyone wanted it, right?

I'm sorry Matt. I'm really going to miss you, Edd, and Tom, but I'm sure you will all move on. I wasn't that important or memorable anyway. Please, please don't miss me when I'm gone.

I also promised that I was going to tell you what happened.

It was that one day that no one was here but me. I don't know why out of all the days in a school year, it had to be that day that I was alone. Fate made the stars align to make up my mind, yeah? School started off pretty shitty. I wasn't in a good mood to begin with but the fact that it felt like all of the student body was literally trying to fuck me over didn't feel great. Everything was kind of just building up. You guys know that I haven't been in the bounciest of moods, but I don't think that this could have come at a more inopportune style.

I think it was really him that got me. During lunch I was shoved off of our bench and had my stuff thrown away. I didn't think much of it, I was just kind of pissed off. I started walking around thes school halls and I see the one and only. I don't know, he threatened me. I don't know why I believed him.

At this point, I'm just rambling. It all sounds pretty pathetic, but the letter matches the writer, huh? That's me: Pretty Pathetic.

I'm sorry for ruining this for you Matt.

"I'm so sorry Edd, I should have tried to get through to him sooner. I should have stopped this." Matt shook his head. Edd tightened his grip.

Hey Edd! How's your day been? I think I'll be finishing your letter first. I don't know. I've always trusted you and I know that you can keep a secret. Want to know a secret? I'm not a 100% sure that I want to do this. You know, I've been thinking about it for a while, but I'm just not that one hundred.

Hey, I came back to this after a few days. No, I'm definitely at that one hundred. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Matt tell me? Why didn't you guys tell me that I bothered you, that you thought that I was useless? I mean, I always had that suspicion that that was what people thought of me, but I wish that you guys would've told me before I had gotten so attached.

I don't mean to make you think that Tom speaks for all of you, but...I just wished that someone had told me to stop. That someone told me to shut up and make me think. That someone hit me across the face and told me to look for the people that were here for me. But that never happened. I wasn't even that person for myself. I don't even think that if I had that person that I would have listened, though.

I'm not blaming you it's just...I need someone to talk to. You're the person I trust the most Edd. I'm sorry that I had to rant to you, and I'm sorry that you had to endure this, haha.

"Matt, it's okay," Edd whispered. He felt his own tears fall down his face. "It's...it's okay."

————————————————————————

Tom threw his keys onto his dresser. His dad made him drive him to some far out bar over thirty miles away. He was was tired. He looked at the letter on his bed. He found it in his backpack and it was from Tord, but Tom wasn't going to read it. Tom needed to just...get away from Tord. He didn't realize how much Tord hurt him, seeing him with someone else. Tom hated it 

Tom picked up his phone and called Edd. At first, Edd didn't answer and it went to voicemail. Tom put his phone down when he started to get a call back.

"Tom?" Edd said. His voice sounded shaky.

"Hey, Edd. You want to go to the park or something? Grab some food with Matt?" he said. Tom could hear Matt say something on the other line.

"What? Are you kidding me?" Edd said. His voice was even shakier now.

"What?"

"You read your letters, right?"

"No, I don't want to read them. Tord and I are done—"

"Read the letters and then you can call me." Edd hung up. Tom rolled his eyes and tossed his phone onto his bed. He picked up the box and opened it, pulling out the letters and starting from the bottom.