The Suitors: A BTS fanfic

24

y/n POV

Jungkook left you with a smile. You needed a minute to think. You told him that and he understood. He was so good at understanding. You told him you'd meet up with them later. You just needed a breath. Although his presence was calming, and your talk did help soothe your nerves, anxiety remained pooling in your stomach; a constant reminder that you would be soon forced to choose a husband.

You watched as people flocked towards the lake shoreline, filling in the small rowboats and shoving off into the water. You felt the urge to move around. To walk. So, you did. Your legs roamed off to the side of the festival a little, towards a stone staircase that you had climbed a million times in your youth. It led up one flight and took you to one of your favorite places on the castle grounds. An outdoor patio that had a perfect view of the lake.

In the summertime, it was a divine place to come and watch the sunlight ripple off of the small waves. It also was amazing for sitting and letting the golden sun bake your skin to a slightly darker shade. Now, though, it was dark and cold and winter. You went to the balcony and looked out, having a higher and better view of the people filing into their boats. The feeling of being on the outside looking in strangely gave you comfort. Like you weren't a part of a bigger plan and you were just plainly and simply you.

You knew you couldn't stay here for long. You needed to meet up with everyone and pull one of the men to the side to ask them to ride in your boat. It's the proper thing to do, you thought. But then, at that thought you questioned your own mind. What if you just... didn't? You had been so adamant earlier about no longer caring if something was "proper" or not. You had decided to do things because you wanted to now.

You considered your thoughts. What if you decided to go in a boat alone? Or invited Noor and Isabella to share your boat? You could do that if you really wanted to. Or what if, you didn't go out on the lake at all. Your mind stopped at that thought. The ritual had given you such joy and excitement as a child, but now it only reminded you of the things you didn't want to think about: choosing a husband, but not being able to choose the man that you actually felt real love for.

You shook your head. You had to stop considering the feelings you had for Yoongi love. It wouldn't do you any good anymore. He didn't love you, and he never did. You wouldn't ever be together. He would never hold you in his arms again and kiss your lips gently. Or even better, kiss you roughly and passionately. He would never look into your eyes the way he once did. You honestly didn't know if you'd even ever see him again. He'd told you to forget him and that he would forget you. How long would that take? How long would you feel this pain in your heart and soul? How long would you not be able to consider the idea of love without thinking of his face and smile and eyes and lips?

Your mind raced, but being so consumed with your own thoughts, you realized time had continued passing without you. It was a natural thing—the passage of time—but it just felt so out of place when you thought about Yoongi. Like everything was supposed to stop and let you heal and reflect. But the harsh reality of this life is that it doesn't work that way. Time doesn't stop for you. It keeps moving relentlessly no matter what. It is both comforting in its consistency but terrifying in its inevitability.

You remembered the boats again. Your legs twitched as if you were about to start walking, about to start making your way down to the shoreline, still unsure about what you would do when you got there, but then you stopped. You decided in that moment that you would not rejoin the party. Time wouldn't stop for you but the one thing you could control was how you spent it. You decided you'd rather take a moment away from everyone to think. You did tell Jungkook that you needed a moment alone. You'd just extend that moment a little longer.