Stronger

Stronger-He isn't here..

I entered my room. I took in the brightly painted walls of red and white in like it was all a dream. I went and sat on the edge of my bed looking around at my well kept room. I stroked the the silky red quilt my dad had  given to me as a child before he died. A tear escaped my eye as I looked at my fathers picture hanging up proudly on my wall. Mum always refused to tell me what happened to my father because I could see it hurt for her to even talk about it. But as soon as I turned fourteen I demanded the right to know! "Darcy darling you have to understand,this could impact on you in a negative way and you know I want the best for you,try to see where I am coming from!" But no I could not see..  How was I expected to live without knowing how my father just vanished out of my life one day and the next day I was told he had gone to sleep forever. As young as I may have been even then I knew this meant death and that he was not coming back. The day I asked my mum,I cried and cried till she broke apart and told me. "He..." "HE WHAT MUM JUST TELL ME OK? BECAUSE IT CANNOT GET WORSE THAN THE PAIN I AM ALREADY GOING THROUGH OK?" "He killed himself Darcy." I was suddenly stunned to silence. My Father? The man mum described as having to much pride and such a strong character..killed himself? I did not know what to feel then..anger for being a coward? Or hurt that I could not be grown up enough to help him through his problems. Mum carried on now not being able to stop crying,"we went through a stage where we were at alot of poverty Darcy. We could not provide for you and you know your father. He could never take the fact that he could not do the best for you. Many money problems occured and he started going through depression. I never did much  because I was used to seeing him as a strong character and when suddenly that mask slipped away,I did not know if I cope with seeing this side of him.A few years after..he drowned himself in the sea." My mum,the stone cold lady who I thought never had a heart,let out a gasp and started sobbing like I had never seen her cry. Now I knew why my mum could never face the beach.