ORPHANED

:: one hundred three ::

he stared at himself in the mirror feeling pity for the blonde he had felt personally went through too much. his hands flew up to struggle with his hair debating on whether it would be better to just keep his hood up for the rest of the day. he tried to ignore his sister but he knew for a fact that she sat on the couch behind him, he could feel her invested eyes scanning his form, confused as to why he suddenly had a reason to get up and leave the house.

he turned around to face her, presenting himself fully for the first time today. he would've asked for her opinion if he didn't know she would voice it, unprompted.

"you look homeless." she stood from the couch to inspect him closer, pulling strands of hair to frame his face. she paused, dropping her hands and staring up at him with a smirk. "are you wearing cologne?" her smile almost brought one out of himself, but he bit back, knowing it would be no good for his predicament. he always wore cologne she was just trying to make something out of nothing.

he rolled his eyes, turning to the door, wondering if it would be better if he met her up the street instead of directly at the door, however before he could complete the thought there was a knock, and he knew it had been too late to change his mind now. he would have to leave and pour his heart out to someone who didn't know anything about him, yet was still able to discern a connection between him and the bemusing brunette.

yesterday he felt more comfortable about the situation knowing he had plenty of hours to prepare himself, today he checked the time frequently knowing he had mere minutes before they would be on their way. now, those minutes had run up.

his sister peered past him as he opened the door, not expecting anyone but the brunette to show. he weakly smiled at the girl stood outside the house, him being the only one to know she was his last resort before he gave up on this situation entirely.

she shone back a reserved smile, turning to wave at his sister who still stood starstruck behind him, even more confused as to why a female had made her brother get out of bed today. "hi." her voice came from behind him, a hostility he knew he would have to pacify when he returned.

"i won't be out long." he stepped out of the door, feeling like he had suddenly betrayed both his sister and the brunette by leaving the house with this girl, but he knew it was with good intentions. he met her on the pavement, and they walked together for a while, no destination in mind, just walking until they finally figured it was time to talk about everything.

and talk about everything they did. dream nearly drove himself to tears as he recited the very actions that had left him abandoned by the only person he wanted to hear from lately. they spoke of all the times he had to prevent himself from kissing the other, and he talked to her about how he felt he couldn't talk to sapnap about this in fear that it would do nothing good for them. he kept his eyes low from red's gaze as she listened so intently to the situation he had dug himself into.

"i went to bad for advice, but he just said i should meet up with him and talk about everything, he even said i should confess feelings, and i can't do that." he stopped, letting the wind pass, feeling the cold on his lips. next he spoke words not even he himself wanted to believe, "me and george are just friends."

she paused, and he so did he. "just friends? her voice could have been the definition of hysterical at that moment. he nodded, turning to her with the same confusion he saw on his sister's face this morning when she found he had woken up before her. "you don't like him?" she turned her entire body to search his expression, trying to find some sign he was messing with her.

he heard himself sigh, feeling like everyone around him knew everything about him, including knowledge of exactly what he had to do to get what he wanted. she shook her head in return, pushing him forward into the direction of the field they had been walking in the direction of.

she sat down and he followed suit, both of them waiting for the conversation to pick up again. he picked the tips off blades of grass, knowing he would have to be the next to talk. "i can't have a crush on george," he laid back in the cold grass, knowing a part of himself wanted to eat his words as soon as they were out in the air. "we are just supposed to be friends."

"...are you really going to turn away your feelings for him just because you want to stay friends?"

his hands moved from the grass to cover his face, knowing the answer, yet still wanting to disagree with her. "if things don't work out with us i wont even have him as a friend. id much rather deal with this first and go back to how things used to be." his hands came to dance in front of himself as he explained, almost as if he was trying to convince himself that he knew what he was talking about.

she laid beside him and together they stared at the sky, the sun wasn't blazing, and the wind gave him something to focus on that had nothing to do with the thoughts running wild in his head.

"don't you think he's worth trying for?"

"there's no point if we don't feel the same."

she shot up beside him and stared down at him, bewildered as to where he had gotten that idea.

—

i have not been able to walk in a straight for like four days now. i've walked into so many door frames it's not even funny anymore