Boy of Light and Dust

Ica

Ica couldn't sleep. No matter how many times he repositioned himself. No matter how long he just laid there. All he could think about was how much danger they were putting themselves in.

How much danger they were willingly putting themselves in.

He wouldn't have even thought twice about it, if not for the fact that doing anything to protect Dayin immediately put Max in danger. Max was only nine. He would be defenseless against anything that was thrown his way. Max was depending on all of them to protect him because he couldn't protect himself. Everyone else that was being put in danger was at least trained enough to know how to defend themselves... Samantha was sixteen. Chloe was nineteen. Alex was twenty. They would at least be able to do something if someone tried to hurt them. Max...

Max would be nothing against anyone.

A part of him wanted to get up and wander the halls. Another part of him wanted nothing more than to sit beside Max. This would likely be the last time that they were remotely safe for a long time, and that made his heart ache. Max didn't deserve this. But he knew if they did nothing, if they stood by while the Turned warlocks hunted Dayin... they would be in just as much danger, if not more.

Ica sat up in his bed, his legs crisscross, and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, with his hands buried in his hair. He knew he needed sleep. He knew that if he didn't sleep, he'd end up pulling the same stunt Dayin had done with his magic, hurting himself on accident. But he couldn't. Not with everything weighing on his mind.

Doing this, he realized, was going to require him to use his magic... And he just...

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He couldn't trust himself to use his magic like that. He'd sworn up and down that he wouldn't use his magic. Not if he could help it. Every time he did, it felt like someone punching him in the chest. All he could remember was Samantha...

Ica supposed he would have to explain himself to Dayin, though he wasn't sure he really wanted to either. But... Dayin deserved to know the truth. He couldn't hide it forever, anyway. If they got separated from the twins, he would have to use his magic... And if anyone tried to hurt Max, no matter who was around, he would use all the magic in his power to keep his brother safe. And there weren't many who could stand a chance against him.

He sighed in frustration, raking his hands through his hair. How was he going to explain any of this to Dayin? How was he going to forgive himself? Telling Dayin wouldn't be nearly as hard as forgiving himself for everything that had happened.

Ica pushed himself off his bed and slowly meandered into their living space. Thankfully, Max seemed to be asleep still. Ica hoped he'd stay asleep for a while longer too. If he went on his walk, he didn't want Max to wake up and find him gone again. He hated doing that to Max, but he needed to clear his mind and he wouldn't be able to sleep as he was.

As quietly as he could, he scrawled a quick note out on the counter for Max in case he did wake up, letting him know he was just going for a walk and that he'd be back as soon as he could. And then he hurried out of the room, eager to get out of their living space.

‡

He ended up in one of the training rooms with his lance. He didn't practice anything. He just sat with his lance resting on his knees, staring down at it, lost in other thoughts.

He supposed this wasn't really helping anything, but it was better than sitting in his bed worrying about how he was going to explain things to Dayin. Or how he was going to live with himself if he allowed himself to use his magic to its full extent again. His lance calmed him down when just about nothing else could, because he'd never actually hurt anyone with it. He'd punctured a couple of walls and a few targets and grazed himself and Finn a handful of times, but all the training he did was just for show. He'd never actually used it against anyone, though he was prepared to if he ever needed to.