Jennie Kim Is Not Gay || jenlisa

Chapter Twenty-one

As soon as Lisa hears her brother's voice she stands a little straighter. She's almost afraid to turn around, the childish part of Lisa's brain suggesting that if she can't see Mark then Mark can't see her. She knows it's stupid and most definitely untrue but that doesn't stop Lisa from wishing that it wasn't.

"I said what the hell is going on here?" Mark asks once again, his voice is loud and Lisa almost feels as if the ground she is standing on shakes as Mark shouts.

Lisa slowly turns around to face her brother. Has to blink to remind herself not to be afraid. That even though her brother is six foot, he still doesn't deserve for Lisa to be afraid of him.

"We're baking," Lisa says meekly.

"And does baking require you to throw food at each other?"

"No," Lisa whispers.

"Then why are you?" Her brother hisses. "Do I need to remind you that that's money wasted that you're throwing at each other? I don't even know why I agreed to pay for this anyway."

Lisa desperately wants to tell her brother that actually he didn't pay for any of this, that Lisa paid for this all with money from her job at the bookshop last summer and that actually Lisa thinks that this is a perfectly decent way for her to spend her money. But Lisa doesn't, she never thought she would.

"Sorry."

"You better be."

Lisa stays silent, she has a feeling Mark isn't quite finished just yet.

"This is all you do," her brother tells her, "make a mess. Of everything. I don't know why I expected anything different from you."

"Sorry."

"Remember Dad could have kicked you out. Any sensible man would have done and I certainly would have done. You're lucky mum and dad thought differently else you'd be out on the streets right now with nowhere to go. You're a freak of nature Lisa and you're lucky I let you anyway near me. How would you survive if you had nowhere to go?"

"I wouldn't."

Lisa knows exactly the right reply to this. Mark gives variations of this speech at every opportunity. Ever since Lisa came out, her brother has been eager to remind her that he'd rather Lisa didn't exist, or at least was no longer visible.

"That's right; you wouldn't cope without your video games or mum waiting on you. Would you? It's such a shame that you're nothing like me."

"It is."

"But it's just a little bit too much effort for you to be anything like me. You can't make this easy for any of us; well maybe you could try trying a little harder."

"I'll try," Lisa promises, desperation leaking into her tone, "I promise."

With that Lisa's brother turns to leave and Lisa flinches as if he is about to hit her. Mark has never laid a hand on her, has never even attempted to, but for some reason Lisa almost wishes he had. At least that way he's had some physical mark to show how much he hates the girl but instead all there is is an invisible stain on her heart, and there's no point in trying to show people that. They'll either never believe her or never understand.

The kitchen is silent after her brother disappears and Lisa finishes filling the cupcake cases before placing them into the oven. Behind her Rosé and Jennie begin to gather up the leftover ingredients and wipe down surfaces and still not one of them says a word.

Lisa wants to say something to diffuse the tension but it's impossible. Her throat feels as if it has suddenly constricted and she is afraid that if she tries to talk all that she is going to do is cry. Lisa has heard her brother's speech a thousand times before and she's pretty sure it hurts her more as time progresses. And there's something about Jennie hearing her say all that.