Jennie Kim Is Not Gay || jenlisa

Chapter Forty-five

xxx

Lisa does get it. She honestly does.

She gets that Jennie is scared, and unsure, and completely and utterly entitled to feel that way. Lisa just wishes that it wasn't about this, that maybe Jennie had put a bit more thought into her feelings before the pair of them started this thing, maybe that way Lisa's feelings wouldn't be feeling as completely butchered as they do right now.

Lisa feels like she's being stabbed with another miniature knife every time Jennie takes a breath. Because that means yet another moment has passed since Lisa's revelation and that means it's yet another moment since Jennie made it quite clear that Lisa's feelings are by no means reciprocated.

That doesn't mean that Lisa doesn't still hold onto the faint glimmer of hope that Jennie still might say the words.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

The lost expression on Jennie's face almost makes Lisa want to lean in and kiss her until Jennie manages to find herself again. Lisa wants to hold Jennie's hand and promise her that everything is going to be okay.

But she can't promise that, because Lisa isn't sure that it will be.

"I don't know what to say," Jennie manages eventually.

Her tone is weak and that terrifies Lisa. Because Lisa has never heard Jennie sound timid before, Jennie is always confident, always knows exactly what to say but right now it seems everything has changed. Jennie is not the girl that Lisa thought she knew, but she's somehow still the girl that Lisa is in love with.

"I think it's simple," Lisa replies, trying desperately to keep the harshness out of her tone, "do you feel the same?"

And somehow, Lisa thinks it still might work out okay.

"I don't know."

It's those three words that kill Lisa more than she ever thought they would.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe if Lisa wishes hard enough, then the three words she doesn't want to hear can transfigure themselves into the three he does. Maybe, maybe, if Lisa wishes hard enough then Jennie will stop looking at her with such sad eyes, maybe everything might just turn out okay.

Lisa knows what she has to do. She doesn't want to, but she has to. She can't carry on like this for much longer.

"I can't do this then."

And then it's out there in the open. It appears today is a day for revelations. And this one is potentially the most important.

"What do you mean?"

For a few moments Lisa is unsure how to put her thoughts into words. Unsure how to explain to Jennie that she loves her far too much to carry on like this. Unsure of how to explain to Jennie that pretending everything will work out if they carry on this way only serves to make Lisa hurt more.

"I can't pretend that everything is going to work out okay between us," Lisa begins, "I can't pretend that this relationship is healthy. I hate knowing that I like you more than you like me. I hate knowing that I'm giving more than I'll ever receive. And I hate knowing that with every kiss you're falling further and further out of my grip."

Jennie's silent and Lisa hates it. Hates it with every fibre of her being. Lisa was almost hoping that Jennie would put up a fight. Lisa knows right there and then that she's rather be dealing with an arguing Jennie than a silent one.