Jennie Kim Is Not Gay || jenlisa

Chapter Twenty-two

The next morning there is a strained awkwardness between Lisa and Jennie.

Lisa isn't entirely sure how to describe it, it's not like the two are arguing or that Lisa can even pinpoint exactly why either one of them is annoyed. But there is definitely a lot of unsaid things hanging between them and they seem to be getting in the way of Lisa being able to do anything close to apologising.

And so when Jennie falls into step beside Lisa as soon as Lisa steps off the bus, silence still cloaks the two of them, threaded with a tension that Lisa never thought she'd feel around Jennie.

When Jennie does begin to talk it's clear that she's intent on clearing the air after last night but Lisa quickly changes the subject, desperate to talk about anything else. She knows that the two of them should probably talk about it, explain either side of the argument but talking about it means that Lisa has to acknowledge that Jennie saw her being embarrassed and that means having to admit to Jennie that everything her brother says is probably true. It means peeling back the protective layers that Lisa has built up over the years and exposing the thirteen year old girl who came out to her family on a random Sunday afternoon and Lisa just doesn't think she's ready for that.

Not that she's going to admit all of that to Jennie either.

Jennie is obviously taken aback by Lisa's refusal to talk about the entire situation and Lisa can't say she's surprised. After all most people would be thrilled to have friends offering to help with the situation but Lisa can't help but listen to the part of her mind that still keeps on telling her that maybe this is just a repeat of everything that happened before, that maybe Lisa is destined to continue living the same loop over and over again until the day her dies. Lisa trusted Nancy with this information, and Lisa doesn't intend on making the same mistakes again. Especially not after Nancy thought it would be oh so hilarious to tell everyone about it after the reveal. The only reason why Lisa's brother didn't put up much of a fight when Lisa asked to change schools.

Speaking of Nancy, Lisa still hasn't replied to her text. Her fingers have hovered over the keypad plenty of times, puzzling over exactly what it is she should say but as of yet she hasn't been able to find the right words. Lisa knows she should refuse, that Nancy McDonie doesn't deserve for Lisa to give her the time of day – after all Jennie said as much – but Lisa almost wants to. It's as if she's afraid that if she doesn't confront Nancy then Nancy is going to be shadow lurking in her past forever, and Lisa doesn't want that.

It doesn't mean that she wants to see Nancy though; in fact the idea of seeing the girl makes Lisa feel physically sick and she can feel another panic attack building up inside her. Jennie had given a hurried explanation of why Nancy was texting her last night, a vague apology regarding her being drunk and stupid. But Lisa has read the text, knows that she can never be as brave in real life as she appears over text.

Rosé can obviously sense the awkward atmosphere when she approaches them as Lisa can see the way that Rosé looks between the two of them with a confused expression on her face. At least Rosé finds it weird too; Lisa was starting to worry that maybe she was just making a big deal out of the silence.

But now that she thinks about it, the silence is really weird. Because Jennie and Lisa never run out of things to talk about, in fact it's more like they run out of time to talk about things and now here they are wasting this valuable time, when Lisa could be learning about Jennie's favourite animal or what Jennie thinks of the royal family but instead they're stood in a stupid silence all because Lisa is too stubborn to accept Jennie's help.

"What's your favourite animal?" Lisa blurts out.

Both Rosé and Jennie look at her in shock, confused as to her sudden question but it does the trick. And Lisa can see that a smile is slowly spreading across Jennie's face, Jennie realises what it is that Lisa is trying to do, that this is Lisa's wayward version of an apology.