What She Needs

24. Waves

Waves by Dean Lewis

Addison Montgomery

She's placed in the psych ward to nobody's surprise. I don't visit for the first two days. I can't. Seeing her body so blue- so dead- and knowing she did it to herself....

The pain she must've felt in her heart to be able to do something like that....I can't even fathom.
I've been staying at my penthouse, and Amelia's been alternating her time between Arizona and Callie, and me, not feeling ready to go back to her room in Mer's house.

I think everything's hitting a little too close for Amelia so I'm glad she's taking the step back. When Meredith's better she'll be getting one hell of an ass whooping from Amy that's for sure.

Derek's been with Meredith every visiting hour and pretty much stayed in the hospital for the rest of the days, until the Chief kicks him out at least.

To think Meredith thought we'd all be able to go on without her! At least now she can see how cut up we are over it all. Maybe that will break through her depression fog and she'll realise just how broken we'd be if she died. Is that selfish? Maybe so...

Today, I'm heading to the psych ward. She's been stabilised medically and placed on emergency psychiatric medication to lower her anxiety, and she's had the week to adjust to it. Dr Garcia has been called by the resident therapists on the ward, as Meredith isn't presenting 'new' symptoms- they'd rather she work with someone she's built a relationship with.

Dr Garcia asked me to come along too, recalling how receptive she was all those weeks ago when I was in the room at her therapy appointment. I asked her if I should bring Amy too, but she chuckled and said they'd fought like cats at the last appointment!

"Addison?"
I stand up from my stiff chair in the waiting room, and hold out my hand for the doctor to take.

"Dr Grace! Hi! How are you?"

"I'm doing fine, thanks. I won't reciprocate the question given the circumstance..."

"Wise idea!" I chuckle but it's vacant.

"Before we go in and see Dr Grey,  I just want to ask you some things. Shall we move to somewhere a little more private?"

I grab my bag, slinging the brown leather strap over my shoulder and follow the therapist into what looks like an assessment room. We take seats in opposite chairs. She's looking at me with a smile but her brown eyes are sweeping all over, scanning for concerning body language or a route into conversation.

"I just want to check on your well-being, briefly. Your family has been through trauma this last week!"

I expect Grace to have her iPad ready to type what I'm saying, so she can analyse it later, but she makes no move to grab it, comforting me that this is just a casual talk. She's lost the therapist eyes and I feel more like I'm chatting to a colleague.

"I was most worried about Amelia. She tends to bottle things up, but she's been staying with a friend- Arizona, and she says that Amy is opening up and crying plenty, so I feel quite relieved about that. I think more than anything, Amelia feels helpless. She kind of wishes Meredith was home so she could kick her butt herself. She's disciplined like that. Derek, her boyfriend, has retreated into work, and spends all the visiting hours with Meredith. She's never really alone in there! Arizona's been..."

"Addison?" She interrupts.

"Yes?"

"I asked how you were doing? All you've told me about is your family. How are you?"