Big girls don't cry (Aleida series #1)

17. Misery, love and confusing dreams

Aleida POV

I've been inside this room for a week now. I have managed to not slip back into the void, but it's getting harder and harder to fight it. Sometimes, I can feel a tingling feeling in the back of my head, like someone is trying to contact me. I have no idea who it is, and that's also the reason why I don't dare to open up.

My dreams are full of weird and distracting images that I don't know what to do about. This night I dreamed about Miliano. He was telling me that all the sorrow and pain is inside my head, that I have to get out of it and come back to him.

I told him that I don't know how and that I'm confused over how he can be alive when he died in my arms. He only smiled at my confusion and said that it would be explained to me all in due time. Then I woke up. I have been thinking over and over again, trying to understand what this all is about.

Both Henry and Kian have been visiting me, obviously worried about me. I've started to open up about my life, even though I don't know why. It's like... When Kian enters the room, I want to tell him everything and beg him to keep me safe. But my pride stands in the way; that's my biggest problem.

My pride is standing in the course of my happiness. I feel guilty when I'm with Kian because I already have a mate I thought died, Miliano. I can't just forget everything I had with him. We had a connection, a strong one.

A bond between mates can never fully break, not unless you get a second chance, mate, and that's not always a fact that you get one. I'm feeling torn between my fear of losing Miliano and my confusing feelings about Kian. I have no idea what to make of this, and I obviously can't tell them about my dreams.

Then I probably will be locked up here forever. I have decided that if I can feel someone contacting me again, I will answer; maybe, just maybe, it's Miliano. The door opens, and Kian walks into the room, followed by Henry.

"Hi, how are you feeling, lepa?" Kian asks me.

I smile at him and see the tension in his body; he's exhausted; it looks like he hasn't slept for weeks.

"I'm fine for once. I have talked to the psychiatrist and beginning to process everything. I feel lighter in some weird way. The path before me is no longer as dark as it was before; now it's a little bit brighter," I answer truthfully, and my whole inside warms up when I see the proud smile on his face.

"That's wonderful, lepa. I'm really proud of you. Are you ready to go home?" Kian asks, and I nod cautiously. "I know that this may be hard for you, but I promise that both me and Henry will be here to protect you. There's no need to be afraid."

I want to believe his words, I really do, but somehow I can't. There's a constant fear that something will go wrong, and I will end up in that hell hole I recently got out of, the place I once called my home. I can't go back there yet; I need to save my strength and keep on training before getting my revenge.

"Can you do that for me?" Kian asks, and I get back to the conversation; I realize that I've zoned out.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you please could at least try to trust us?"

"I will try."

"That's all I ask of you, lepa."

He takes my hand, and I walk beside him towards the elevators. Everyone looks at us, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, exposed. I let go of Kian's hand, and I see him look sadly at our now separated hands. I don't want to let go of his hand, but it feels wrong when everyone's staring, and the thoughts about Miliano makes me feel guilty all over again.