Schizophrenia. [LP AU] 卌

» 10.

[sorry this chapter just had to be perfect]

 impatient is how i waited for the announcement i could see my father again, but patient is what i seemed to be on the outside. justin and i talked about little things that really had no relevance in my life, and i felt bad that whilst he was talking to me i was zoning him out to think about what i would say to my father. i hadn't got much of a plan, but i knew 'almost' what i needed to say. i knew i needed to reassure him that none of this is his fault, that none of my problems were because of him. though that might be a lie, because he was the one who used to push me to the max before nathan started. believe it or not, nathan was not always as cold and horrible as he is now. he only started after he saw my father doing it. he thought it was okay to do if my dad did it to me. of course it wasn't. a little motivation is really helpful though, but nothing more. my whole life since my mother passed away, has been revolved around sports and being the best that they want me to be. my whole life has been based on me trying to meet their high standards. always, and it sucks.

it has to stop.

justin announced he needs to go see if there is any more news to report me, and as soon as he leaves the room. danielle climbs through the open window. i wait for her to say something horrible, something that would crush my heart. but she doesn't. she merely smiles at me. she stands almost emotionless at the window. in a way, i like that because maybe this could be my chance to crush her like she did to me without me feeling guilty. maybe this was karma time.

"hello liam." she says, and i try my best to ignore the sweetness in her voice, and the innocence that was a radiance off her. i can't allow myself from looking at her for more then a few seconds. i wouldn't be able to control myself, i don't trust myself around her alone. i loved her too much.

"i don't know why you're here, i hate you so much. you broke my heart into millions of pieces." i tell her with an edge to my voice, due to the fact i was becoming an emotional wreck. i wanted to cry, scream, hate, and love her.

"liam i-"

"-no! please no, let me talk. i really don't want anything to do with you anymore. don''t you think you've done enough to me already? don't you think you've damaged and destroyed me enough as it is? i can't understand why you would ever do this to me. to even do that with my best friend, the only proper friend i have?! he has been beside me since my mother died, and then you had to ruin that connection i had with him by entering my life! why?! why did you do it?! if you always told me you loved me, why him?!" my eyes may have held tears in them but the most dominant feature was the anger inside.

"i-i didn't mean to hurt you, it just happened. he came onto me first and i didn't know what to do. he told me to stay away from you, told me that i was a distraction from what was more important. your goal in life, i was just stopping you from getting there. i all made sense, but i did like you. i still do like you, i just played along with nathan's plans!" i shake my head at this, how can this be true? how can anything she's saying, be true?

"what makes you think i can trust anything you're saying to me?"

she sighs, taking a step closer to me but i take a step backwards, "i don't. but i just want you to be happy again. you were happy with your mother, you were happy without nate and i. don't you remember those times?" i always try and think of the times before they were in my life, the drama free times. but there had always been drama, in fact when my mother became sick i knew things were spiralling out of control, there was no way i could stop things anymore. but i could stop this. i could put an end to this all together. doctor popper told me that if i ever needed to kill off either nathan or danielle, i could pick up the pills and shoot them. it would apparently work. i could feel the weight of the pills in my pocket, but i didn't know if i should draw it out or not.