Teach Me Anything [Billie Eilish AU]

four

omniscient

"so billie, tell me about yourself." miss klein said once she sat down in front of billie.

friday rolled around and billie, of course, had to keep her end of the deal with miss klein or there was gonna be trouble.

"why the hell did i agree to this?" billie murmured to herself,

but miss klein heard her loud and clear.

"we have an agreement, it's much easier honestly, isn't it?"

"you're trying to torture me." billie groaned.

"i'm trying to help you, so let's start quickly so we can get this over with, tell me about yourself."

"my name's billie and i'm 18." billie answered blankly.

"y'know what i mean."

"i don't know how to tell you about myself." billie slumped back into the chair.

"how about telling me where you're from? hobbies?"

"fine," billie sat up.

"i live in a small neighborhood called highland park and i think about killing myself everyday-"

"okay, that's blunt, alright?" miss klein cut her off.

"you asked me to tell you."

"hobbies, billie? what do you like to do in your free time- and be serious about it."

billie rolled her eyes quickly, "i like music, i guess?"

"what would you describe music as in your life?" miss klein asked her, her blue eyes locking with billie's.

billie's mouth went dry once their eyes met, she didn't know what to say,

she was stuck in the gaze they shared, her cheeks going red, her hands getting sweaty.

"billie?" miss klein snapped her out of their cold but sensual gaze,

"yeah?" billie shook her head. "i said how would you describe music?"

"oh, uh- i would- um, i guess as an escape? it's just a way to clear my head from the, what is it?"

"your intrusive thoughts?" billie nodded at her words.

"yeah, i'm also a very good liar, so." billie shrugged.

"a liar? why do you say that?" miss klein raised an eyebrow,

"uh i've been telling people i'm fine for the past seven years now. i am not fine."

"and why are you not fine?"

billie let out a sigh, running her fingers through her blue hair, and letting out a huff,

"i really don't know if i'm being honest. does that make me selfish or desperate?"

"what does?"

"the fact that there's nothing bad going on in my life, but i still feel sad. am i an idiot for feeling this way?"

"no you aren't," miss klein shook her head.

"billie, i don't know you that well, but i just know that you're the girl who is always there for people when they need a friend, but also the girl who faces issues alone."

"my friends would never get it even if i tried to explain, i mean that letter was probably a cry for help-"

"it was, you want to heal billie, i know that. but you can't heal if you keep trying to hide it or pretending like there's nothing wrong."

"healing is just too long of a process for me, i just want it all to go right away." billie sighed heavily.

"that's not how it works."

"then i don't even know what's wrong with me anymore."

"it's okay to be confused, it's perfectly normal when experiencing depression."

"what even is depression anyway? i think it's ust a word to describe every sad fucking thing."

"to put it in short, depression is like living in a body that fights to survive, but with a mind that wants to die. you're physically and mentally tired, your brain tells you to give up but your soul tells you to keep fighting, but for what exactly? it's like trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being real gets you hated, so either way, you never win, so what is the point, why are you staying here in the horrendous world and feeling enormous pain?"

"you speak like you've been through it before." billie whispered.

"i've learned to cope with it, long story short, i survived."

"what happened?"

"we're talking about you, billie, not me."

billie knew by those words that there was a whole lot going in miss klein's brain as well.

while she was trying to help billie, she was trying to help herself.

"i think what i know is if i were to disappear, would people make an effort to find out why," billie told her.

"i can't control how i feel and i hate that and yes, i will continue to blame myself because why would anyone want to deal with being as fucked up as me."

"you're in a scary situation right now and i understand everything you feel because there was a point in time where i felt it too."

"how uh- how'd you get rid of it?" billie looked up.

"there's no getting rid of depression, billie. it's called accepting that it's there and not letting it destroy everything good in your life."

"i don't think i can do that, i just want it all, i just want things to get better quickly."

"and it wil, everything will work out in the end, you don't need to know how or when, you just have to trust that it will and it will."

billie didn't say anything and she just look down at her feet.

"what's going on in that mind of yours now?" miss klein smiled.

"don't make me admit it." billie grumbled. "admit what?"

"that i feel a lot better after talking with you? fuck, i admitted it." billie groaned.

miss klein laughed lightly, shaking her head and glancing at her watch.

"uh, time's passing by, tell you what, i know administration hates it, but i'll give you my number and if you ever need to talk about something or anything in general, just send me a text."

"really?" billie sat up.

"yeah, don't get too excited. and don't text me at like three in the morning, i need to get some sleep so i can at least teach something to you dumbasses."

"we are not dumbasses."

"but you are."

A/n: I'm going to sleep now