Face Down In The Dirt

Chapter 16 - What's It Gonna Take?

Since that afternoon when Nikki left the house with his Jeep, Tommy had really done nothing more than cry and stare out into nothingness. Even with the TV on, as well as the home studio at hand, nothing was captivating his interest. He didn’t know how he was going to move past this. 

Tommy, as he was going about his dirty deeds, knew in the back of his mind that he could very well have gone too far. Crossed the line to do irreparable damage to his relationship. He knew that could happen, but somehow he seemed to think that the irreparable could actually be repaired. It just never really occurred to him that he and Nikki would split. It seemed that such a thing would be going against nature, and it really could never happen….. until it did. 

The reality of break up has been an excruciating experience. So many things have happened that he never thought he would be going through. Many the same emotions that welled up when Tommy got the news that Nikki was dead from an overdose, were coursing through his brain and body again. Finality is one of the toughest concepts to deal with. It’s just been an utter and complete loss of everything precious. Emptiness, despair, guilt, what could have been, and physical pain.  

When Tommy heard the rumble of the Jeep pull away from home yesterday, he thought he felt his soul leave his body too. He laid, doubled over in pain, thinking about Nikki, the baby, the onesie, and the bunny. The security toy that his dad had given to him out of love. The toy that was now ripped apart and sitting on top of greasy napkins, dumped ash tray remnants, and apple cores. He just lost control, when he couldn’t get what he so desperately wanted; a connection to the baby. That motivated him to get himself up from the bed. As he walked into the main living area, towards the kitchen, the house seemed uncomfortably still. Even Nikki angry and yelling was better than no one at all. He stood before the trashcan to pull the bunny out, only to find that it wasn’t in there. 

He realized that Nikki must have rescued it from its trashy fate. He dug down a little further to make sure it hadn’t slid into a deep gunk-filled crevice within the heap of refuse. Neither the ear, nor the rest of the bunny were to be found. 

He imagined that Nikki would return it to his mother. And by the following afternoon, he was sure that’s what he had done. When he heard the doorbell, opened the front door and found his mother standing on the other side.

“Mom? I… I didn’t know you were coming over,” Tommy stammered, as he tried to straighten out his sloppy appearance.

“Can I come in, love?” Voula asked with a warm smile, as Tommy stood anxiously in the doorway.

“Of course, mom. I’m sorry,” he said, as he backed up to make room for her entrance. “Um, things are a little messy… heh, heh.”

“It’s OK, dear,” Voula replied with a cocked eyebrow. “I brought food for you. I don’t want you to go hungry.”

“Why would I go hungry?” Tommy asked nervously, praying within himself that somehow she doesn’t know anything about what happened between him and Nikki. He wasn’t ready to face her about this. But he already knew that she knew. He was cooked.

“When’s the last time you ate something? Let’s get you a plate of food,” Voula beamed, brushing past him towards the kitchen.

“It’s OK. I’m not that hungry, mom,” Tommy replied, trailing behind her towards the kitchen.

“Nonsense. You need some meat on your bones,” Mrs. Bass remarked, as she reached for a plate, taking notice of the sink full of dirty dishes. “How are things, darling?”

“Um… well… things are alright, I guess.”

Voula slammed both of her hands on the counter. “No, son. Things are not alright.” Her smile dropped and she reached for a wooden spoon from the utensil holder.