Face Down In The Dirt

Chapter 17 - The Dirt

**I added dialogue to this chapter to match the last minute tweaking that I did on last week's chapter. However, it made the chapter really long. So, I found an appropriate place to break it in half. That's means there's an extra chapter coming. So, two more plus the epilogue... which I had fun lengthening the other day. It was short. I made it better.

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In the days since Nikki’s tearful conversation with Voula, he had mostly done just these three things:

-Sleep

-Stay with Brandi at the hospital

-Think about Tommy, and the lack of him in his life.

All of these were exhausting, even the sleep. It was hardly restful, constantly interrupted by loud alarms, shitty dreams, aches, pains, nausea, and a cold, empty bed. 

And Brandi? Nikki thinks he would rather undergo needles in the eyes on one of Mick’s alien lab tables, than play house with her. He was seriously considering slitting his wrists if he had to hear that fucking depressing Young and the Restless theme song one more time. Not even Hope, Brad, Kayla, and Cricket or whatever their fucking names were. With all of their pathetic and sad, dramatic backstabbing antics were as fucked as Nikki was. Fortunately, the parents-to-be did spend some time each day talking about names and other baby-related strategies. That was a bright spot. 

But, it wasn’t enough to ease him into dealing with Brandi’s multitude of demands. They were constant and whiny. He knew that she couldn’t stretch and reach, but she had been taking advantage of that, foregoing all niceties, and just flat out acting like an entitled brat. Until Nikki heeded Mick’s advice seriously, and trained himself to relate with her differently than he had been. It was a process, and he was left to wonder if all relationships with women were like this. 

Drugs and alcohol interfered too much with prior relationships to get them to a place where respect and understanding were priorities. With Tommy, when either one was annoyed or angry, they could shout in the other’s face. Even push back with a shove, and then be engaged in steamy sex ten minutes later. This was just different than anything he knew; except maybe the way he treated Voula. He knew that he had to be more like that when with Brandi. Getting along with her was going to be key in providing a stable environment for their son.

And then there was Tommy, there was nothing easy about this break-up. His heart was broken. His life was shattered. He ran through the conversation they had in the hospital courtyard in his head over and over. Maybe Tommy deserved another chance? No, actually he didn’t deserve it. Nikki came to that same conclusion every single time, but it was neither satisfying nor reassuring. No matter how right Nikki felt about his decision to break up, it didn’t stop him from missing Tommy, wanting him, and needing him. He knew his former partner was hurting too, and that didn’t sit well. Something more was going to have to be done, or said to even make this split doable. He just didn’t know what that could be. It was hard to even develop a strategy when Nikki’s heart simply longed to be home.

And that was another thing... Home. Where was it going to be? Finding a new place to live didn’t stress him out nearly as much as the burden of putting their house up for sale. Nikki must have picked up the phone book half a dozen times in the past few days to find a realtor, only to slap the book shut within moments. He didn’t have time. He didn’t have his glasses handy. How could he pick someone blindly from a phone book? He needed recommendations. But how could he scout for recommendations when only three people were aware of the break-up; Mick and Tommy’s parents. The questions would follow…. Why are you selling? Where are you guys going? Truthfully, those were all just excuses to give Nikki pause about doing something that he didn’t want to do.