we've been living on a fault line
and for a while you were all mine
i'd spend a lifetime giving you my heart
i swear i'll be yours forever
til forever falls apart.
criminal minds x fem!oc
...
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chapter twenty one!
ೃ࿔₊•cafuné ೃ࿔₊•
(v.) running your fingers through your lovers hair
Everyone deals with trauma individually. That included Spencer and Sabrina. Time had passed, things had begun to move in a more orderly way, they'd resumed life in a way that was maintainable. But what happened to Teddy would stay with them for the rest of their lives, and they had to recognise their way of healing.
People always say that time is the only bandage, that if you just push through, things will get better. If you asked Sabrina, she'd say that's bullshit.
Time doesn't heal, it doesn't make anything 'go away'. Time is just a deception, a thin veil that shrouds the bad memories until they are further and further away.
Spencer's method of coping, once he was back on his feet, was to throw himself back into work. The rest of his team fussed and bothered, and shook their heads at him. They thought that he used work as an outlet to ignore his problems. They were coming from a place of love, obviously, but Sabrina knew better than anyone the way Spencer acted and behaved. She understood that he found solace in work, that helping others, and saving families from the hurt that he was going through, was comforting for him.
The team cared for and loved Spencer, but he was right, they did treat him like a baby. Sabrina understood him, saw him as an equal. That was the beauty of communication, something she was trying to improve on.
However, her coping mechanisms were not the same as Spencer's. Sabrina didn't find comfort in the death and destruction they saw on a regular basis, she found it triggering. It was hard for her to admit, and she realised she avoided bringing the topic up to Spencer. Not that he would have been mad, or upset that she was having second thoughts about the job, Spencer always understood. It was more an embarrassment, stemming from the expectations she had put on herself.
Working in the BAU had been her dream since before she could remember, she was 18 when she made the decision to leave her Dad, spend five and a half years overseas to get her certifications. It was all to make it here today. So it was almost a betrayal to herself, to admit that maybe this wasn't what she wanted. Maybe this wasn't the job she wanted to spend the rest of her life doing.
If she was honest with herself, the little voice in the back of her head had started to reach out its arms long before Theo. Since they had discovered those bones that possibly belonged to her mother. She had shut them up for a long time, assuming that it was just her indecisiveness speaking. But it grew until it wasn't just an inkling, it was a tangible thought. And right now it was staring her in the face.
