Ouma I'm sorry..

Chapter 6

Shuichis POV:

It's been a month since he died in my arms..I can still remember it like it was yesterday..it hurts so fucking bad t-to the point..I can't do this anymore..the pain and guilt is unbearable, I can't even go to his grave..if someone mentions his name I start to break down, I feel awful I look at his suicide note everyday, I still refuse to take off or let go of the scarf, I even sleep with it on (which is rare because I never sleep) I want to see him again..I want to see him smile at me..I want to hear his voice..I swear he haunts me..I just want to die..I miss him..I want him back..I broke up with kaede.. and I'm in therapy..but I don't feel anything..I just want him back..I literally write letters to him..I even picked up some of his traits..I still have the panta he gave me aswell as a drawing..I even have some notes he wrote me when we where kids..I write him letters everyday and put them in the treehouse, I can't do this anymore kokichi..I just want to be with you again..I'm sorry I was too late..

I write one more letter, I can't deal with this anymore..I even started listening to the playlist he made me even though I cry uncontrollably when I hear it.

My hands are shaking and my tears are falling onto the page,

"Hello ouma-kun,

I know you can't see this but..I just want to say I'm sorry..I'm sorry for being so late..I'm sorry for pushing you away.. I'm sorry for everything..the truth is..I need you..I miss you so much..and well..this is my last letter to you..I'll be seeing you really soon Okay? You must be so so lonely.. kokichi..I love you, I-I always have..I just was scared to say it..and now..your gone..your dead because of me..I turned your parents in as well as kaito..I'm sorry..I'm sorry I didn't notice what you where going though..I wish you just opened upto me..anyways..I'll be there soon..
yours sincerely
Shuichi saihara
Or as you liked to call me when we where younger..
Mr loverman :) ♥"

I walk to the treehouse with my uncles gun and place the letter on the table
"Goodbye everyone." I hold the gun to my head as tears stream down my face

*BANG*

Kokichis suicide note:
"Hi shuichi,

it's been a while since we actually talked and well..I wanna come clean, I doubt your reading this but if you do I'm sorry..I know you probably don't care but I just wanted to say goodbye, I know you hate me and to be honest the only reason I decided to not do this ages ago is you, but I'm a fucking idiot and fucked up my only source of happiness. But oh well! No one will miss me nor will they care so I have nothing to lose. I love you shu..I always have, I had a huge crush on you and well now I'm gone..I'm sorry, but I know you don't care so I guess it's fine.. Shumai I'm gonna be honest for once, the reason I was in hospital so much and why I wasn't at school was because my parents severely abused me, Iv tried to commit suicide so many times..I can't escape the pain..my dad and my brother literally rape me and beat me and my mother has tried to kill me so many times..then I get bullied at school, the reason I was passed out on the ground a few months ago was because kaito beat the crap out of me..I haven't ate in weeks and my arms look like barcodes I keep relapsing and it gets worse and worse every time..I just want the pain to stop..I-I can't take it anymore..no one cares and no one notices, I literally have a drinking problem and a drug problem at the age of 16..I can't do anything right.. your right I am alone..nobody likes me and no body cares if I'm alive or dead at this point..I give up, I can't do
This anymore, I'm tired..I'm so so tired..and what am I supposed to do with out you?.. I miss my lover man..I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me...
Goodbye saihara-chan..
I'll miss you
-kokichi ouma"