I'm here. || Karlnap

5

TW's: homophobia, f-slur, ocd 

Tomorrow was Saturday, everything will be fine.

I reminded myself as I drove to school in silence. 

When I got to school everyone in the halls looked at me with disgust, I got to my locker and saw notes taped to my locker. 

I opened three. 'fag' the first one said in bold black writing. 'ur such a freak.' the next one said in pink cursive letters. 'you dont belong here' the next said in bubble letters. 

"I can't believe he's actually a fag." I heard someone whisper to someone else. 

I felt someone grab my arm roughly, when I was turning around there was a hand that met my face, slapping me.

I brought my hand up to my cheek and looked at the person through blurred vision, it was Nick's girlfriend.

She brought my head close to her mouth, talking into my ear. "You stay away from my boyfriend you freak. No one likes you anyways." She hissed, spitting the words like they were toxic. I felt her acrylic nails dig into my skin before she let go, plastering on a fake smile and giving me a little wave, skipping away. 

The bell rang and everyone lets for class, leaving me standing in the halls. I got all my stuff and went out the front door of the school, walking into the patch of grass near the front. I sat down on a bench and put my feet up on it, tucking my knees into my body. 

I was too numb to cry so I just sat there with my face in my arm, tapping the side of the bench with the other hand. 

"Karl?" I heard a small voice say. 

I looked my head up and saw Nick squatting in front of me, he looked in my eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong. 

I clamped my eyes shut and put the on my knees. My tapping and counting got faster and faster until it took up my whole brain, making the world seem better for a few minutes. 

Nick grabbed my fingers tightly with one hand, using the other to lift up my head and force me to look in his eyes. 

"What happened?" 

I just shrugged, looking into his mocha eyes. 

"Well clearly something happened." He said, squeezing my fingers when they started tapping in his grip. 

I shrugged again, a single tear falling from my eye. "Just everyone thinks I'm a freak and hates me."

"I don't." 

"You should. I am. Even I hate me. I tap my fingers on things because I think that's gonna help, I'm so fucking lonely I fell for something that should've been obvious from the start. It just keeps going." I rubbed my hands over my face, closing my eyes again. 

I felt his hand reach up and touch my cheek, bringing my face forward. I pair of lips touched mine gently and kissed me, I kissed back when I realized what was happening. 

He pulled back and smiled at me softly, cupping my face. "I've wanted to do that for awhile." He spoke in an almost whisper. 

A small smile crept up onto my face as he traced my cheeks, stopping in one area. "Why are there nail marks on your face?" He said, getting up from the grass and sitting on the bench next to me. 

I groaned and closed my eyes for a moment before facing him again. "Your girlfriend had a talk with me this morning." 

He looked pissed off, "I don't even like her, she's a bitch." He said simply. "She makes everything so toxic, I'm just using her so people don't think I'm gay." He added.

I scrunched my nose up. "You aren't doing what Clay did, right?" 

His face looked sad. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you upset." I said quietly, grabbing his hand. 

"No it's okay, you didn't. I'm just sad that someone would do that to you, their such dicks." 

"You actually like me?" I asked.

He nodded heavily, smiling at me. 

"Why me?" 

"I don't know, I saw you on the first day of high school and I just, liked you I guess." He said, scratching the back of his neck. 

I tapped my nail on the metal of the bench, making a soothing clinging noise. 

"Stop that." He said, a worried look on his face. He took my hand in his and held it tightly. "You're safe, I'm here okay?" 

I nodded a little and he pulled me toward him on the bench, putting my head on his chest. 

I sat there for a moment before hitting a state of shock. "Wait." I said, sitting up and facing him. "WHAT?" I added, my eyes widening. 

he likes me. what the hell? no this is a joke. is it? he sounded serious. it's a joke. but he sounded so genuine. he doesn't actually like you he just pities you. but he said. well who else said that they liked you but actually didn't, Karl. 

My brain was at war, I put my elbows on my legs and leaned forward putting the sides of my head in my hands. 

"What?" He asked, poking my arm. 

"My brain is fighting with each other." I said, trying to come up with an answer. 

"About what?" 

"You." I responded quickly. 

"What's it saying?" 

"That you just pity me and it's a joke. But the other part is saying that you actually like me." 

"Can I prove myself to you?" He asked.

"Okay." I said after a little bit of thinking. 

I didn't go to the rest of my classes, I went home and told my parents that I was sick and got sent home early. 

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wc: 958