I'm here. || Karlnap

7

TW's: intrusive thoughts,  slight body dysmorphic disorder. 

I woke up in a unfamiliar place, I looked to my right and saw Nick sleeping peacefully. I kissed his cheek and slid out of his bed carefully, I put the covers back up on him and put on jeans, leaving on his hoodie but picking up my sweater off the chair in the corner of the room. 

I turned my body around in a circle, looking around his room. The wall behind his bed was a dark blue but the three other walls were white, he had a dresser that was white and two white nightstands. He had a gaming desk on the other side of the room near two doors, one of the doors was closed so I was guessing it was the one that led to the downstairs but in the one that was open I could see a shower and a toilet, a small wood sink was placed in the middle. 

I grabbed my necklace, moving the small golden bee around on the chain. I walked back over to the bed, getting up it on the end and moving toward him, I sat down, straddling his waist. I sat like that for awhile, smiling at his peaceful state until he woke up. I smiled brighter when he did, he put his hands on my clothed thighs and yawned, flicking his eyes open more. 

I put my hands on either side of his face and he smiled. I rolled off of his and laid in bed next to him again. I curled in a ball next to him, facing toward him. 

I saw him falling asleep again and I looked over at the time on his monitor. It was 7:45 so we had about an hour till we had to leave for school. 

I saw his eyes closing again slowly and I stayed in bed with him for a little bit before getting out of bed again, I walked over to his floor to ceiling mirror and looked behind me to make sure Nick still was sleeping. 

When I confirmed he was I lifted up my shirt a little, looking at my stomach. I was very bloated, I sucked in a breath and looked at myself then. My stomach was flatter but still wide, I pinched the loose skin on my stomach and sighed. 

I heard covers behind me and saw Nick coming up behind me in the mirror. He frowned at me and I pulled my shirt down, hiding my face in my hands. 

"Kar..." He said quietly, rubbing my back. I still had my hands over my eyes and I felt him pull me onto his chest. "You're beautiful, okay? You don't need to change for anyone or anything." 

I pulled one hand off my face, tapping my leg and counting. I haven't counted and tapped for days, of course something bad was going to happen. 

I tapped quickly, my head barely keeping up with the counting. 

I felt a couple tears leave my eyes, he pulled my face away from his shoulder and wiped the tears off with his thumbs, I looked through blurry vision at his sad face and I turned away, only to be brought back from his touch on my face. 

"I'm here." He whispered, running his hands along my sides. 

I'm here. The words bounced around my brain like a kid jumping on a trampoline.

I nodded a little bit, hugging his torso tight. 

"I'm going to go get ready, you stay here, okay?" He kissed the top of my head and walked me over to the bed. 

"Okay." I whispered, laying down a little bit. He squeezed my hand and walked away. 

I heard a male voice that didn't belong to Nick say, "Try harder to catch the ball next time." 

I heard Nick respond with a mumbled, "Okay, dad." 

I tuned them out and grabbed my phone off my nightstand, when it lit up I saw 32 messages from my mom and dad and 5 from Arlo. "Shit." I said quietly, taking off Nick's hoodie and putting on my sweatshirt. 

I called my mom quickly, she immediately picked up. "KARL! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I WAS ABOUT TO CALL THE POLICE!" She yelled into the phone. 

"I'm sorry mom I fell asleep at my.. friends house." I said in an almost whisper. 

"I'm sorry for yelling honey, I just needed to be sure you were okay." She said softly. 

I drew out a shaky breath I didn't know I had been holding in. "I'll be home soon, I'm really sorry." 

"Okay, love you Karl." 

"Love you too mom." I said, hanging up. 

Nick came back upstairs and got clothes from his dresser, stepping into his bathroom and changing with the door closed. 

I felt my eyes slowly flicking shut. 

-

I woke up to someone lightly shaking me and a kiss on my head. "Karrrrrlllll." Nick said quietly. 

"What?" I said in a raspy voice, flicking my eyes open. 

He sat up a little from his spot on the ground and pecked my lips. I smiled and sat up, throwing my legs around the side of the bed. He stood up too and grabbed my hands, leading me to the door. 

"What about your parents?" I whispered when we got to the top of the stairs. 

"They went to work." 

We walked down the stairs and Nick drove me to my house. I kissed him goodbye and got out of the car, when I got inside my mom and sister practically flew at me, wrapping their arms around me. 

"So who's that boy you were kissing?" Arlo asked me with a goofy smile. 

-

When I got to school everyone just ignored me, some gave me dirty looks, others even tried avoiding eye contact with me. 

Nick passed me in the hall and gave me a wink only visible for me to see, I smiled to myself and continued walking. 

At lunch I sat in my usual spot near the tree, this time though, Nick came. He walked up from around the corner, when he got up to me he kissed my forehead and sat down in front of me, pulling out a can of Redbull. 

We talked and I drank my monster, listening to him talking about what he wanted to do when he got older. I watched the way his hands moved when he talked and his eyes look passionate, his jawline moved as the words flowed out of his mouth.

He had said he wanted to do coding. I leaned forward, putting my cheek on his shoulder and  arms around his waist. 

"Wha- Oh." He said quietly, wrapping his arms around my torso.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath out. "Are you tired?" He asked.

I nodded and tapped his leg. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me, letting me tap. 

"I don't know." I mumbled, it was partially true, I was just scared of everything in general. But also school has been stressing me out, I didn't know when someone was going to bully me. 

I counted to 18 and stopped, it relieved most of my stress for a few minutes. 

"Okay." He whispered, kissing my temple. 

"Am I fat?" I asked him in an almost whisper.

He picked my head up from the back of my neck. "No, you aren't fat. You aren't fat at all, don't let your brain say these things to you. It's not true." 

I looked down at my hands, not knowing what to believe. He stretched his legs out and pulled me onto his lap. I looked up at the sky, avoiding his gaze. 

Nick hugged me from behind and we sat together until the bell rang. He stood up and grabbed my hands, looking me in the eyes. "Remember it's not true, okay?" I nodded and he smiled. "Call me any time you think something like that." I gave him a small smile, he was there for me. 

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