ANNALISE | Dallas Winston

thirty

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[DALLAS WINSTONS POV]

i pace around the hospital room angrily and impatiently, waiting for annalise to wake up.

i could've done something to prevent it. i should've stepped in front of her. i should've stopped the fight-

i shouldn't have even taken her there in the first place.

this is what i get, huh?

i'm trying to become a better person, and i was becoming a better person because of her.

god, i love her. i cant lose her.

i promised her everything would be alright. i promised her that i'd keep her safe and we wouldn't lose anyone else.

my thoughts are interrupted by darrel, ponyboy and sodapop slamming into the room.

tears streaming down the younger brothers' faces. they walk over to annalise's bed, looking down at her.

i watch intently as darrel takes a quick look at her, then comes inches away from my body, giving me a real bad glare.

"you had one job, dallas. why didn't you get out of there? how fucked in the head are you, kid?!" he shouts, pushing his palm into my forehead, shoving me back.

"i tried, man!" i shout back, tears brimming my eyes. i force them back, not wanting to cry in front of anyone, especially darrel.

"well you didn't do good enough, did you?" he spits, turning around and walking out of the room.

my fists clench, and i punch the hospital walls. i turn around and see ponyboy and soda lookin at me.

"what did the doctors have to say?" soda asks, wiping his eyes.

before i can talk, there's a knock on the door. i open it and see steve and two-bit standing outside. i move to the side, letting them in.

"how's the kid?" steve asks, walking over to the end of her bed. darrel walks back in, too.

"not good" he says, sitting on the chair at the right side of her bed.

he clears his throat, and takes a deep breath. "said it don't look good" he says, his voice quivering.

i bite my lip and take out a cigarette. i give one to pony, two-bit and steve too. the two of them walk out, but i stay in the room.

"you can't smoke in here, dal" soda says, looking down at annalise.

"i can do whatever i want."

darry shakes his head annoyed, then walks out the room, shoulder checking me as he does.

he'd never let me live this down.

i take a long drag, trying to calm my nerves. i take the spot darrel was sittin in.

i grab annie's hand, interlocking it in mine. tears begin flowing from my eyes, and i hadn't even noticed.

soda clears his throat awkwardly, leaving the room.

i put out the cigarette on the nightstand next to me and let the tears flow.

i rest my head on the edge of the bed, crying into it.

"i'm so sorry, doll. i should've done more, i'm supposed to protect you, you're my girl. it's my fault, i shouldn't have brought you round there."

i sit my head up quickly, feeling her clench my hand.

my hope fades as i see she's just the same as she was. i had imagined it.

"hey, i need you to give me some space while i check her out, okay?" the doctor says, walking in the room.

i take another look at annalise, planting a kiss on her forehead then leaving the room. i hate to leave her alone.

i see the boys sitting in the waiting room. i pull up a chair, joining them.

"how you holdin up, dal?" steve asks, patting his hand on my shoulder.

i shake my head "i'm fine, man."

we all sit in silence until we're suddenly called in by the doctor.

"we think it's time, boys" she whispers sadly.

my eyes widen and my heartbeat quickens. i feel sick. i feel like i could pass out.

we all cram hurriedly into the room, surrounding her. i sit at the chair again, stroking her arm. she loved when i did that.

suddenly, the monitors repetitive beeping stops, and becomes a long, ear piercing one. a sound i'm so sick of hearing, and one i'll never forget.

pony and sodapop begin sobbing. darrel pulls them in for a hug, trying his best to keep it together for them. the other two stare in disbelief.

i rise up, shoving pass them and walking out. i run outside of the hospital, going to my car.

i get in and slam my fists against the steering wheel. i start the car and head to bucks.

—

i'm unsure how long i was there, and how many drinks i had drunk. i begin thinking about how she wouldn't want me to live like this, she wouldn't want me to sit around like i did when johnny died.

darry would never let me come around again, he'd never forgive me for this.

i'm not sure if the other boys would, either.

i make an impulsive decision to leave. i don't grab anything.

i just snatch my keys from my pocket and get in my car again, driving off. buck yells out for me, but i ignore him.

i wobble around the road as i go, other cars honking at me. i struggle to see the stop sign with the tears in my eyes. being absolutely drunk doesn't help, either.

i look to the side as i pass the sign, hearing a loud and long honk. suddenly, the cars lights get closer and then run into my side.

sirens are going off, and people are stopping their cars and running out to help.

i smile to myself, thinking about the only two people i could ever give a shit about.

johnny cade and annalise curtis.

i know this is it.

i close my eyes as the light fades.