Baby Blue //past-stony//

-you're my baby-

A/N:I've been trying to read Stucky for ages now- after I watched Winter Soldier I felt like it was Such a great ship. And I tried, I really tried, but every time i see Stucky, all I think is ...what about Tony? I feel like an angry ex lover every time I want to read a Stucky fic
These feels are almost all my own.
And of course this happens after Winter Soldier- Bucky regains his memory- Steve stays with Bucky, not Tony
The title of this fic and its ending lyrics come from Baby Blue by King Krule- you should probably listen to that song.
oh and vulgar language and angst?

“Tony, man- what a coincidence,” said the person who just sat on the bar stool next to him.

“Don’t shit me, Barton, Pepper sent you here to spy on me, didn’t she?”

They were in a bar- it was empty, because Tony rented it out, fuck he could have bought it if he wanted to. He just wanted to get drunk without being bothered. But of course, one of his almost friends would try to butt in like they had anything to do with his business.

Tony’s head was spinning.

“So…how’s it hanging?” Tony glanced at Clint- he was in his casual clothes, which meant all black- black shirt, black pants, and black shoes.

Tony might have been feeling a little black too.

“It’s hanging,” he hiccupped as he looked at the glass full of alcohol, “about right at the bottom of this glass, or maybe at the bottom of the rock I tripped over when I came in.”

Clint shifted- Tony wasn’t going to look at him.

“How many glasses have you had, Tony?”

“Not enough it seems,” he said as he swallowed the whole glass, he felt the burn going down his throat and later into the pit of his belly. It was nice to feel something these days.

“We haven’t seen you in a while, “Clint started, and apparently making a drink for himself,” The guys have been asking about you, Natasha, Bruce and-”

“And?” He hated the hope he heard in his voice.

“Steve,” Clint said almost resigned.

Tony hated him more than anything then- fuck the world, fuck Clint, fuck Steve and Fucking FUCK Bucky for taking away the only thing he had.

“Why are you here, Clint?” His voice was laced with bitterness- it wasn’t the alcohol.

“You shouldn’t be drinking so much, Tony.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking so much, Tony”

“Come on, Steve, have some fun, loosen up, you might be a billion years old, but you’re still built like a twenty year old,” And then of course Steve smiles- and Tony has to keep himself in check, because Steve’s making him fall in love all over again. He inhales almost loudly and Steve quirks and eyebrow amused.

The event is boring, they’re supposed to be mingling with people who are with their Superhero organization- Steve’s organization, but Tony’s been staring at Steve for far long. He may have been staring at Steve ever since he’s been unfrozen- he wants to run his fingers through that hair, let his mouth feel the press of those lips, feel his body tangle with Steve’s-

But he wouldn’t because this was Steve, his Steve, his friend- his everything.

And Steve didn’t want him like that.

At least not yet.

Tony laughed before remembering himself- it was not a nice laugh, it was bitter, with all the sharp edges and no smooth curves.

Clint put a hand on his shoulder and Tony let himself look at Clint for the first time this night.

Clint looked sad, sympathetic and understanding.

Tony broke, right there and then.

He didn’t know the tears were flowing till he heard his own sobs and felt his wet face- even in this drunken hazy, he wasn’t drunk enough, he wasn’t anything enough- he was never enough, never enough for anyone, never enough for Steve.

“I want to die,” he choked out.

Clint was holding him, embracing him, giving him a warmth that he remembered from Steve- Steve wasn’t his, but he had always been Steve’s.

“Shhh,” Clint whispered as he soothed him- he wouldn’t ask why Clint was here anymore, he wouldn’t ask Clint to go away, because almost six months of emptiness and four of depression made him clingy. He clutched Clint’s arms, shoulders, anything that could get him attached to him, anything that would assure him that Clint wasn’t going away.

And of course Clint stayed, and Tony held onto him.

Tony cried and cried and cried.

Clint tried his best to comfort him, but Clint knew he’d never be enough- no one was ever going to be enough for Tony. Tony made himself enough for Steve and Steve only. And Steve had always been more than enough for Tony.

Steve was Bucky’s and Bucky was Steve’s- but the problem was, so was Tony.

They could have stayed like that for minutes, hours or even years.

But Clint took Tony home and Tony found himself alone.

A Year Ago

Steve shifts in Tony’s luxurious sheets, Tony watches him wake up- not believing that he’s finally with Steve after all that time pining and dying inside- Steve is his, finally.

“Hey,” Steve smiles sleepily as he snuggles closer to Tony- Tony had fallen hard.

“Hey to you too, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty amazing and it’s all thanks to you,” Steve kisses Tony breathless- again. Tony opens his eyes after the kiss and feels like he’s never ever dreamt of even thinking of feeling- he feels like Love.

And he’s dying a little too.

“You’re amazing Steve,” he says in awe.

“And I’m yours,” Tony almost cries.

“I’ve always been yours, only yours, only yours.”

They make love and when they finish, Tony’s stroking Steve’s hair – his head is in Tony’s lap.

“Will you stay with me, Steve?”

He chuckles before he says, “Of course, Tony.”

Tony stops stroking Steve’s hair to stop the dread in his heart, “You know that I don’t do this with anyone-”

Steve looks up and reaches out to caress Tony’s cheek, “I promise, Tony.”

Tony wants to burst-

“I’ll stay with you- I always will,” and then when Tony starts smiling again, “I’m yours.”

::.

My sandpaper sigh engraves a line

Into the rust of your tongue

Girl, I could’ve been someone

To you

Would have painted the skies blue