Stay (Tronnor)

Going to.. Italy!?

My head is throbbing, and my entire body hurts. I can hear footsteps, voices, and some weird beep sound. I open my eyes slightly, and look out in a very bright room. It takes me a couple minutes to realize, I'm in a hospital. Flashes of screams, ambulance sounds, a lot of blood and pain start to come back to me. I remember what happened. And I remember what I was doing in the middle of the road in the first place. My stomach is one big whirligig, and I feel like I have been punched in the heart, but it makes it less painful to know that he wasn't conscious. I don't want to loose him, but I need tome to cope with this. I look down, and see a long drop needle in my am. I bite my teeth together, I hate needles.

I want to sit, but I am too exhausted to get up. It doesn't seem like I have broken anything, which makes me very relieved. I am suddenly aware of how hungry I am, it must have been a while since I ate. As soon as I have thought the thought, the door to my room opens. Troye comes in, with a bag in his hands. As soon as our eyes meet, and he realizes I'm awake, he trows the bag onto the chair next to him, and runs to my bed. "Connor! You're awake!" He takes my limp hand and looks at me, concerned. "How are you feeling?" It is a little overwhelming for me to have him so near, when I am still not over what happened at the party. He looks at me, and when I don't answer, he starts crying and  whisper "I'm so sorry, Connor. I don't remember much, but Ty told me. I am so so sorry, Connor, I love you. I was so worried, that.." He hides his face in his hands. It hurts to see him cry like this, I want it to stop. 

I am hurt, but I love him more than that. I guess I have already forgiven him, I am not very good at being mad at people. I just think it will take some time, before I can trust him again. I know, he was drunk as shit, but still. He let me down, and he knows it, I can feel the regret in the way he cries. I reach out my hand, and take his. We look at each other for a while, tears still streaming down his face. "I know" I say. He looks so young and frail, like a little child that has just lost his teddybear or something. I can't help but feel awful for being the reason for it.

I move aside on the hospital bed, and he crawls up on the bed, lies down next to me, and look me in the eyes. My body doesn't hurt that much right now, it's probably the morfine kicking in. I wipe away a tear on his cheak, and take his hand. "I was so worried, Connor, I thought you were going to.. to.. die" He sinks a lump in his throat before continuing. "And it would be my fault. Beause I am such a fucking asshole" He looks away and bites his lip in shame. I put my hand on his cheak, and force his eyes to meet mine. "I know, Tro. I forgive you" He looks a bit confused and denial, but then he leans in to kiss me. At first, I freeze. I didn't expect it, and it kind of overwhelms me. 

But then I relax, and kiss him back. His lips are so soft, and his kiss so peruasive, I can't resist. I get a warm feeling in my entire body, I really needed this. I needed it to confirm that he loves me, I needed it to wipe away my doubt. He wraps his arm around my waist, and hits an aching spot. I pull away and whisper "Auch", which makes Troye immediately let go of me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I interrupt him. "Don't worry" I lay my hand on his hand, and slide my fingers between his. 

Dammit. It's like, I can't even be mad at him, when he is near. I forget everything, and just love him. But what he did, it's kind of a big deal. It could happen again anytime. I need him to proove to me, I can trust him. I don't know how, but if we have to stay together, I have to be able to trust him. "Troye.." I begin. He looks at me, a bit worried.I guess he can feel it coming. "It's just.. What you did, it really hurt me. I started doubting wether you even loved me, and I guess.. I guess I just need proof. Proof that I can trust you again, and that you won't do it again." His eyes start watering, but not because he expected me to just trust him again. It's because he knows how badly he hurt me, and that it will be hard to earn the trust back. 

The next couple days pass by extremely slowly. My family comes to viisit me in the hospital the next second day, they couldn't get a flight earlier. They stay in a hotel for two days, before leaving back to Minnesota again. During my time in the hospital, a lot of friends visit me, Ty, Hannah, Joey, Kian, Trevor and the rest of o2l. But Troye, he denies to go home at night, he practically lives in the hospital with me. The only time he leaves, is when he has to get something for me, and once, he has an urgent meeting, which he has to go to.