Stay (Tronnor)

New years eve

After listening to Troye's song, Talk me down, all I can possebly do is lie on the floor, in his sweater with tears in my eyes, thinking about why I left him, comparing it to why I want to go back, trying to figure out what to do next. Should I call him? I pick up my phone, type in his number, but my thumb stops just before pressing call. I stare at the screen for a couple seconds, before I shut off my phone, get up from the floor, and into my bed. I need time, time to heal. I can't heal, if I get in touch with him, I feel like it'll just make everything worse. I sigh and close my eyes, before falling asleep in Troye's sweater, surrounded by the smell of him. It feels nice, safe, even though I can't talk to him or be with him, I still feel like I  have a part of him with me, and I like it.

-

I have now been living with my parents for two weeks, Nicola left last week, to go back home before the christmas holidays, which we're also going to spend at home with our parents, and my younger brother. There's only one month until christmas, and I haven't bought one gift, so I decide to go back to LA. There goes a flight in two and a half hours from now (11am, saturday the 22nd of november). I pack up my things, call a taxi to pick me up for the airport, and say goodbye to my parents. I am feeling pretty excited to go back home, to my own home, in my apartment. 

During the past two weeks, Tyler has been texting me all the time. He is worried about Troye, apparently, he won't eat or sleep, according to Tyler. "He is acting so weird, he doesn't even want to talk about it, and everytime I accidently mention you, he gets this distant, sad look on his face. He hasn't smiled or laughed since he came to my house, and it's like he has just shut everyone out, he doesn't talk to anyone, not even Zoe. What the hell did you do to him, Connor?" He asked me acouple days ago, on the phone. I didn't know what to say to him, he knows what happened between us, but not how I reacted. I tried to explain it to him, and he understood that I was hurt, but he was still worried for Tro. 

I felt bad, after ending that phonecall, and I'm still thinking about it on the plane to LA. I have downloaded a number of songs on Itunes that I really like, and I am currently listening to them on repeat. I have been lucky to get a window seat, and no small children around me. I do like children, just not when they cry and are being annoying. I just can't. Next to me is a girl, quiet pretty, she has blue eyes and brown hair, a combination I have always had a week spot for. Her skin is pale, but with a peachy tint. She actually reminds me a bit of Troye. Damn it. I think she's noticed that I'm looking, and quickly look away, out of the window. She's pretty, but I'm first of all not looking for anyone, second of all gay. I can feel her eyes on me, I guess I wasn't as descrete as I thought, when I accidentally stared at her. 

An hour later, before the plane is about to arrive, she asks me, what I am listening to. I only have one of my headphones in, so I am kind of obligated to answer her. We talk for a bit, but the conversation soon dies out, and the speakers inform me and the other passagers to put on our seatbelts, because the plane will land in ten minutes. I fasten the safetybelt and search my pockets for a mentos roll I bought at the airport in Minnesota, take a sip of water before putting the bottle into my bag, and put a mentos in my mouth. I guess I sort of have a thing for these, even though I usually don't like sweets that much. 

It takes about an hour before I'm out of the airport, and waiting for me on the other site is Tyler. I asked him not to tell Troye I am back. I don't know, I just don't want to talk to him yet, I still don't feel ready. Ty and I jump into the cap and he starts talking about Tro. "I know, you've got something going on between you guys, but I'm serious, Con, it's killing him. It's been a long time now, and he's just like a different person. He has become this lonely, sad and tired person, he is on his laptop most of the time, and he doesn't even want Nutella anymore, he doesn't eat much either. It scares me, Connor. I don't know what to do, I don't think anyone but you can help him right now"