Idolize• JirouxReader

Struggling

"Okay. Cross my heart..Y/n", she walked away leaving a hand on my shoulder until she couldn't reach me anymore. I can't believe what just happened. My heart feels like it's about to explode with emotion. Joy, confusion, sadness, and possible love all fly through my body at once leaving me speechless. There is a good silence before I start to hear clapping. I look up to see Akailo slow clapping in the window.

"What a wonderful performance. You can drop the act now, you know deep down that Jirous too good for a monster like you. You left your parents nothing but a smile note to tell them where you went. You left behind millions of people who love you just to fulfill a stupid childhood fantasy. Grow up and stop being so goddamn selfish for once." She sneered. Those feelings are all taken over by something I knew all too well. Guilt.
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I didn't sleep last night. Or the night before. Her words keep me up. I can't get them out of my head.

She's right.

She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right She's right
She's right-

Jirou is too good for me. I am the most selfish person on this big blue planet. I drop to the floor of my room and crawl to a corner. I crawled into a ball and started to softly cry. I tried to be as quiet as possible. I can't bring others into this. I'm already a burden.

I fell asleep that night. On the floor in my uniform. Tears staining my cheeks once more. It continued like that for a week. Only those nights I didn't end up sleeping.

I start to notice eye bags forming underneath my tired eyes. I've been getting to class later and later. I've caught my friends talking to each other about their concerns for my mental and physical well-being, when in truth I should be feeling like this. It's only fair for the people I've hurt in the past few months. I went into class and put my head on my table.

"Y/n are you ok? You haven't exactly been yourself over the past week. You can always talk to me, you know." Jirou said while putting a hand on shoulder. As much as I despise the idea, I have to ignore Jirou for a while. To get rid of my feelings. I swat her hand off me and look her in her eyes.

"I just need some alone time okay." I snapped. I sense hurt in her face as I put my head back on my desk.  I feel her walk away and the lesson starts. Aizawa looked around the classroom looking at all his students before his eyes lay on me. I'm looking down towards my desk and my eyes are feeling heavy. Aizawa noticed this and said something.

"L/n you're not looking so good. You can go back to the dorms if you desire, I can get one of your friends to give you today's work.", he said with concern. I looked at him and scoffed.

"I'm fine Aizawa Sensei. No need to worry. I'll stay in class." I groggily respond. He sighed.

"Fine. But meet me after class", he said. I sigh and nodded. He returned to the lesion and I continued to space out. Suddenly a sick feeling washed over my body. I raise my hand.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I ask. Aizawa nodded and I stood up. I walked down the hallway to the bathroom. Once I enter a stall I crouch down on the floor and throw up. I felt like shit for the whole day so I figured that this was coming. I stop and try to catch my breath but it was hard for some reason. I'm caught by my hands and body shaking. I close my eyes hardly and wait for it to stop. I wait there for about ten minutes before the shaking stops. I'm finally able to catch my breath after all of that. I stand up and glitch my toothbrush and toothpaste for my breath after throwing up. I clean my mouth and fix my appearance in the mirror, though it's impossible with her in there. Akailo is looking at her nails while I'm fixing my hair. For once she doesn't say anything and just looks at me. "You're being much more quiet today." I mumbled.