5 years too late [L.S]

2

Harry - next morning

"Honey, Im home" I say while walking in and shutting the door after me. Putting my suitcase down, taking off my shoes while hanging my coat. I LOVE visiting mum and Gemma, but nothing beats getting home to the person you love. As soon as i enter the hall I am met with loud music, and the amazing smell of food making its way through my nostrils. Home. I smile to myself as I walk to the living room to turn the music down.

Stepping in, getting a good look over the whole room I freeze. My eyes go wide, loosing all the colour from my face while my heart sinks to the ground while shattering in a million pieces. I can't move. For five minutes I stand there, tears falling from my eyes at a rate where I soon would run out of them. After five minutes I start loosing my balance, taking  a few steps to my right to hold on to the wall. I finally let out sob loud enough for blue to meet green. For green to meet blue. The only thing that comes to my mind. The only thing able to come through my mouth. A simple 'Why?'

I Jolt up from my lying position trying to catch my breath. This memory still hunts my dreams all to often.  I turn my phone up to se the screen light up 6.03 AM, at least I got five hours of sleep, more than most nights. I rub my eyes, my head is throbbing from last nights drinking, puking and stress. I thank myself as I had already prepared water and a two pills yesterday.  I'm swallowing the pills and drinking every single drop of water before I make my way to the second floor bathroom.

As I enter the shower i stand still, letting the burning water drip down my body and hopefully taking away the pain of yesterday. Most of the days, I am just simply numb, no feelings, no nothing, just numb. But there is always those days where something triggers me, last night being Simons call and hearing Louis song in the radio. I do everything in my power to distract myself from my head. I train, I drink, I even do drugs sometimes when it gets to much, and on some special days, I write. The one thing I don't do is cry.

The first month after I left Louis, I cried. Cried every minute of every day. Until one day it stopped. Since then, i have never shed a tear. Not a sad one, not a happy one, not a angry one. Not when my stepdad passed, not when my friend committed suicide, not when my world was slowly crumbling beneath my feet. Not one single tear has made its way down my cheek.

After just standing in the shower for 20 minutes under burning hot water, I finally feel numb again, better feeling nothing than feeling all the pain, right? Slowly I begin washing my hair and body feeling fresh again after 4 days. Stepping out of the shower, I quickly dry my body off before making my way to the kitchen with only a white towel wrapped around my waist. As I finish of making my breakfast, avocado toast, I take the plate and my black coffe to the sofa before flopping down and searching for something I haven't seen on Netflix yet. I choose  the show 'white collar' after being drawn by the good looks of Matt Boomer, wanting nothing more but to take him home, if you get what I mean...

I sit in my sofa, getting lost in the plot, it actually turns out to be an amazing show, not just a lot of good looking people. Without even realizing it, my alarm rings and tells me that the one direction dinner is in 1 hour. I pause the show with a sight and make my way upstairs to put on some clothes. As I stand in front of my wardrobe for what feels like an eternity I finally pick an outfit, a simple one. A pair of blacked flared jeans, a black silk button up, leaving the first few buttons undone, a black coat, and to spice it up, a pair of black old skool vans. Being somewhat satisfied with my extraordinary outfit I ran my hand with, of course, a ring on almost every finger, through my hair. My hair is been growing a bit lately due to the fact that I never get out of the house, no way am I getting my hair fixed.

I look over my place once more before locking it and getting in my car. At least my car has a bright yellow color... I sit there for about 40 minutes straight, starring at literally nothing. Debating how the fuck I will survive this dinner without killing anyone. Well I'm already late, but I guess Harry styles has the right to be a little fashionably late. I start the car, put it in reverse, and smoothly back out of my garage. Once outside of my property I blast out rock music in hopes of numbing out all of my thought, just getting this shit over with.