Castles in the air

6.

Songs featured in this chapter: Sweet  night by BTS's (V)- Taehyung

I serenely tranquil out of bed, unfolding his -wrapped around me- arms. I crawl out of there and brush my teeth. I examine myself in the mirror, I can see myself but it doesn't feel like me..    This face, this one face right here is what made this guy fall for me. I look up again and consciously point out my scars. And for the first time, I am proud of what I see. No hatred, No sadness. No frustration and No confusion, just love. Self love, they said.It changes perspectives.                                                                                                                        "Good morning", he smiles at me as I walk out of the bathroom. I smile back, "Good morning to you too", "Seems like it's a good day, your face says it all". I softly chortle, "Definitely". "I'll be downstairs figuring what we'll have for breakfast if you need me", "Alright I'll brush my teeth and follow you downstairs", "Ok", I answered walking down the stairs.

"Oranges? Really? Being excluded in an abandoned house isn't as fun as it is in movies". I found nothing but some oranges, apples and grapes which've stayed outside all night because there are no fridges here. Nevertheless they haven't ripen, so I've decided to make a fruit salad, maybe get any preserved fruit juice from the nearby store. I put on my slippers and run across the street.I get some ice as well, just to keep the salad fresh.

Thank god it's a Sunday. We just had our breakfast and decided to head out immediately. We'll catch the first bus, it's still 9:30am but we can just wander around until it's 10. I am walking down the steep slopes by his side, the sun haven't fully rayed, the trees are still moved by yesterday-night's winds and I can't even blink properly. Now this is what so called 'SURREAL'. We spoke no words but it was enough to make my heart flutter...                                                                          Strangely, we didn't walk around. I just followed Dongmin and suddenly found myself at the bus station. I asked no questions I just sat there next to him as he refreshed his Instagram feed.. Unfortunately, my phone's battery ran out earlier today so I just gotta stop glancing at his phone. Man he has a lot of DMs. I obviously couldn't stop myself from staring at his screen, he was replying to dozens of people...I barely even have DMs from my friends wth. Girls, Girls, Girls. pretty girls*, to be specific...                                                       I bend in and take a further look, he is texting some girl. But he is TOO friendly . WHAT IF WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY WAS JUST A JOKE TO HIM? SHOULD I ASK? -I feel my anxiety crippling in, but I shove it off.

"So are you going ba-", "Just a second I am doing something important right now", "OH OK", I scrawled into the bench and laid my back  on the glass. I lift my head up just to see the reflection of his phone, as he is chatting with that girl again. I don't know if it's hatred, jealousy or confusion.. So I just let it slip.

We're inside the bus, but still we're both silent.. He didn't give me the window seat for the first time. -Why does it hurt me? Why is this infuriating me? He legit kissed me yesterday.-
He doesn't even look at me, not for a second. I wanted to ask where he's going? What he's going to do and if he's going back home. I wanted to advice him but he doesn't let me... How am i supposed to make you feel okay? When all u do is look the other way? "Are you okay?", i speak up to avoid myself from drowning into that dark hole of doubt again. "Yep yes yeah. Definitely", he quickly shuts me up.
A strange feeling of regret is growing into me. Why did i kiss back? It seems like he was just in a moment of frustration, now he's definitely hurting. Why did i ever build my hopes up? But he wasn't like that... That look on his face.. said something else...
But why am i blaming myself for it now? It is not my mistake. And why am I coming up with assumptions? Maybe he've actually meant it. What if he didn't?
Regardless, it'll hurt anyway..