Home Away From Home

Chapter Twelve

DAY THIRTY FIVE
Google I did. I ended up making meatloaf for supper that night. It was terrible, but everyone ate it with a good attitude. Except Andy. He took one bite and pretended to choke on it.
Anyway, we're staying on track with the America pattern today. It's July 4th, and the Hemmings wanted to celebrate for/with me. I guess they've been planning it for a while and have managed to keep it a secret until today.
"Burgers on the grill sound good?" Andy asked, getting his grilling gear cleaned up and ready to go.
I pursed my lips to keep myself from smiling as I answered his question. "I think I'd rather have shrimp on the barbie." I tried my best Australian accent, but I couldn't hold it long before breaking character.
Andy shook his head in a disappointed manner, but both of us cracked into smiles within seconds. "I should burn your burger for that one."
I have him a joking side-eye, but he came back with a stronger one. I laughed as he walked away with his dad swagger.
Luke cornered me. He had mentioned something about needing to talk to me earlier, but I blew him off.
"I thought I told you that I wanted to talk," He raised his arms in frustration as he walked toward me.
I nodded. "Yeah, but I didn't want to talk. I'm avoiding you." I said matter-of-factly, trying to walk past him.
He extended his arm, stopping me with his hand on my shoulder. "I can see that. But it's not working anymore."
"Can we go somewhere else then?" I asked, glancing over at his dad, hoping he'd take the hint.
"Fine." He huffed and turned around without a moment's notice.
I sighed, following him. I would probably follow Luke to the pit of a volcano.
Luke kept walking into the house, past the kitchen, up the stairs, and finally stopped in his room. We've never talked in his room before; my room has always been our traditional meeting place. I had my spot, and he had his-- both at comfortable distances. His room is just a bed and walls. No where to sit but next to him.
I wiped my sweaty palms down the front of my jeans and sat as far from Luke as I could.
Luke looks at me blankly, his eyes only wavering slightly before he looks down at his bed sheets. He starts to pick at the threads, and I watch his hands move meticulously against the material.
"What's up?"
My eyes narrowed as I tried to decipher whether this was a casual "What have you been up to?" or a deeper, "What's going on in your head?" kind of thing.
"I don't---" I began to answer, uncertain of what I should say, but I know that he wasn't being casual.
"Why have you been so timid or whatever lately?" Luke's eyes, light and airy, glanced up at me before shooting back down to the sheets.
"Learn a new word, did you?" I tried to make a joke. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. It always makes things more uncomfortable. You'd think I'd learn.
Luke's eyes landed on mine as they rested in half moons above his cheek bones. His lips bulged from his face as his lack of amusement washed over his expression.
"Sorry. I don't know... I've just been busy." I shrugged, wishing I could unlock my eyes from his gaze. But alas, he held the key.
"Bull." His eyes iced over, and I could feel the chill in his voice. Angry Luke is hot, let me just tell you that.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes, more annoyed with myself than him. "The other day your mom talked to me about... us." My volume dropped as my eyes rose up to his.
Luke didn't seem the least bit phased. "Like what?"
"I don't know... she just acted like there was something going on when there isn't. Like she knows something we don't." I shrugged again, chewing the inside of my cheek.
Luke's hand was now idle on the mattress, and his eyes were idle as he stared at me. He slowly nodded his head, drinking in the new information. "Well... maybe she does?"
My head swirled, and my heart beat dropped. "Care to elaborate?"
I tried to keep a cool demeanor, but I'm afraid my shaky voice gave me away. Luke knew.
"There are clearly unresolved feelings between us. Maybe we're just blinded by our own thoughts about this that we don't see what she does." His hands started moving again, and I picked up on the motion immediately. It was something to distract my eyes. Luke was getting nervous. His eyes were flickering around the room like a lit candle wick.
"Well, uh, I could try to, uh, not be so blind about it? I don't really now what to say." I laughed nervously and felt the heat in my face rise.
Luke joined in on the nervous laughter. He reached behind his neck and rubbed it with his hand as he smiled lightly. "Me either."
Silence.
I slammed my face into my hands as a smile attacked my face. "I'm gonna go downstairs now."
"Yeah, okay."
I got up from the bed, and he followed my actions.
"Good talk." I nodded affirmingly, looking at him for only a brief second.
He returned the nod. So awkward.
I began down the stairs as he followed me, but I stopped abruptly to turn around, only to plant my face into his chest. I closed my eyes in frustration with myself.
"I'm sorry." I breathed deeply.
He looked down at me. Luke already towers over me because he's just a very tall boy, but now he's on the step above me, and I feel so small. His eyes bore into my soul, but I was okay. He smiled sweetly, and I wanted to kiss him agian.
"It's okay." His voice was deep and quiet, and his accent was thick.
My face flushed with color, and my eyes grew four sizes. My Natural State came about as I turned back around to finish my decent down the stairs. I heard Luke let out a low, breathy laugh behind me.
Dinner was almost ready, and Liz had asked us to get table wear to bring outside. We walked into the kitchen together, and I could feel her eyes on us. When I knew we were out of sight, I faced Luke.
"You know what pisses me off?" A sudden burst of anger encased me.
Luke bit back a smile, and it just added fuel to my growing flame. "What?" He bit, teasingly.
I let out a deep sigh, challenging him with my eye contact. He wouldn't back down. "You are so arrogant and obnoxious and selfish like ninety-nine percent of the time. But then, when you want to be, you turn around and are all sensative and shy and vulnerable, and I guess I'm just really good at seeing the good because that seems to be the only thing I see in you anymore."
"I'm sorry?" Luke asked, still reveling in my shower of compliments dressed in anger. He was still biting his lip with his stupid little lip ring, and I wanted to rip it out.
"You should be! Because I somehow find comfort in your vulnerability, and that's now how it's supposed to work. I'm not supposed to feel safe with you." I calmed down as my sentence progressed, and I actually realized what I was saying. "I'm not supposed to feel safe with you..." I repeated again, this time to myself.
Luke's lip had fully surrendered to his teeth now, but he was no longer finding joy in my outburst. "It's okay to though..."
"No, no it's really not." I looked up at him feeling like I had just been struck by lightning. My body shook but not visibly. Everything felt hot, and I could feel my head lose its weight. Dizziness. And why? Because if i can't make sense of myself, it's not fair to think someone else can.
Luke's shoulders fell with his face, and he reached over me to grab the dishes. My eyes synced up with gravity as they found new facination with the floor.
*************
The burgers were good. I mean, burgers are burgers. I had only glanced at Luke like twice. I know he's mad or upset with me. Liz and Andy had deorated the yard with red, white, and blue while Luke and I were upstairs. It's probably pretty convenient that Australia and America have the same colors.
Next came the fireworks, and I was excited to say the least. I knew it wouldn't be some spectacular show, but I was happy that they had done this for me. Not to mention, fireworks are a great excuse not to talk to someone.
Instead of shooting them off in their yard, we drove a couple of miles out of town. Andy had brought lawn chairs-- the same chairs Luke and I had used on our star gazing adventure-- and Liz had brought lemonade. It was cute.
Andy was so proud of his little show, and I was proud of him too. Fireworks have always been special to me. Fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday because everything just seems to magical. And finding magic in something is kind of rare for a cynic like me.
"I love fireworks." I said queitly as I noticed Luke had ventured near me. I didn't take my eyes off of the sky, but I felt Luke's eyes on me.
"What do yo love about them?" It was that queit, deep voice again that seemed to drill through all my walls.
"It's silly." I bit the inside of my lip as I peaked at Luke from the corner of my eye.
"Come on." He urged me with his voice, his eyes still studying me.
I looked away from the fireworks to find their reflection in his eyes. "They're magical... I don't know." I rushed my answer with a monotone voice.
"You're always so uncertain. You told me that I'm afraid to feel, but I think you are too." He said slowly, reaching his hands up to my shoulders. His fingers were warm as they gently gripped my arms.
I knew what was coming. "I-I'm not. I just need time."
Luke's height became more apparent as he moved closer, and it was so intimidating. But I am so intrigued by him.
"Mhm." He mumbled. His eyes were like magnets, and I wanted so badly to be polar opposites, but the attraction was too strong.
"Your parents." I whispered as one last hail mary.
He looked behind himself quickly, checking their position. "They're busy."
He's right. They were probably a good fifty feet away and laughing as Andy would light the fuse and run away. I swallowed my breath, and I caught Luke's smirking eyes one last time before they closed. I felt his thumb across my cheek as his hand pushed back to cradle my jaw. It left a tingling trail as his finger prints burned into the skin of my face.
We were kissing again. Like a movie scene with the fireworks behind the uncertain pair, we were kissing again.
It was quick, but it was meaningful. It was sincere. We pulled apart. "That gold ones are my favorite." I said, feeling small, as I bit my lip into a smile.
His eyes darkened as an array of gold flickered over them, and I knew that this was the end of me.
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Lame, but thanks. xxx