Make You Mine // {LaChambers}

Summer Again

It's been about one year since we found that body.  It's been about one year since I've fallen for my best friend.  It's been about one year since I've fallen for Gordie.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  When really, it happened two hundred and ninety days ago.  It was night and we had been attempting to find the body in the woods, and I was on guard while the guys slept.  I remember looking over at Gordie as he slept peacefully.  I noticed something about him, something that I hadn't noticed before.  He made my heart stop for a second, but in a good way.  I felt my cheeks start to burn up. I just wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and, you know, kiss him. 

That scared me.  I'd never felt that way about anyone before.  Sure, I had had a few crushes on girls before, but the feeling I had for Gordie was stronger.  It felt like more than a little crush that I could shrug off.

I've heard my brother brag about what he had done to gay people before, or as he calls them, faggots.  It's just your general horrific shit, beating them, pulling knives on them, the usual, as he calls it.  So you can imagine how much the mere possibility that I might like one boy scared me. 

But just as I was beginning to consume myself with my thoughts, Gordie made a few noises.  Then he woke up with a scream.  That snapped me out of it really quickly. 

"Gordie?  You all right?" I asked, looking into his eyes.  It was the first time that I had really done that.  They were beautiful.  I remember telling him to go back to sleep, but instead, he got up and sat with me.  I wanted him to be beside me, but at the same time, I didn't.  I wanted him, but I didn't want to want him if that makes any sense.

He sat down beside me and I felt myself build up with emotion.  I knew why I was emotional, but I sure as hell wasn't about to tell anyone.  So I told him some bullcrap about something, I don't remember what.  But I do remember not being able to sleep at all that night. I kept thinking about him. I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't like him. I was able to ignore my feelings for the rest of our little trip, but once I got to junior high things didn't get any better.

The thought of him consumed me. I often found myself staring off into space, thinking about me and him, together. I was always by his side, he was always by mine. We were best friends, but I wanted more. I decided not to worry. I thought if I just ignored my feelings for long enough, they would eventually go away and my life would go back to normal.

It didn't.

In fact, it only got worse.