Internal darkness

chapter 1

Falling that's what it feels like when the highs are gone I feel like I'm falling. I wish I could fall and never have to get back up.

My sister invited me to this big party. I hate parties but I love drugs, so I came anyway. My sister needs to get her shit together dads gonna kill her if he finds out that she's partying again. She's supposed to help with the business. Dads not gonna like her partying because of what happened last time. She got in a fight with her boyfriend and he ended up hitting someone.

Her boyfriend has a temper, me and him don't get along. I think he hits her and cheats on her but every time I bring it up to her she shuts it down. If I ever catch him doing it I will not hesitate to kill him on the spot. Nobody hurts my sister but me.

"Amyyyyyy." There's my obnoxious sister.

She's drunk already and we've only been at the party for no more than an hour. She has a thing with alcohol, at least her boyfriends not here that would be bad. They always fight when she's drunk because he gets mad when she flirts with other guys but it's not like she's gonna get with them.

"Yes my drunk sister.'' I say with annoyance clearly in my tone.

"Hey don't act like you weren't high before we got here." I mean she's not wrong but I get high to escape she just parties too much its becoming an issue.

"Yea I was high so what but you know dads gonna be pissed if he finds out you were partying and I let you."

"Blah blah blah dad this dad that fuck his ugly ass." I'm really gonna kill her one day. As soon as she's sober she'll see just how pissed dads gonna be if he ever finds out. I really hope he doesn't. I don't want her getting hurt again.

"Ok let's go home before you can get anymore alcohol.'' I say in a stern tone hoping her drunk brain listens to me. She's really stupid when she's drunk.

"But I don't wanna go home, you're not my mom, you're my little sister." She's pushing me to my limit tonight.

I have to leave tomorrow to go get rid of some people for my dad. I've never been to France so I'm a little excited because we have to stay the weekend so it doesn't look suspicious.

"No I'm not mom but I will call her if I need to." I know that'll get her to come home cause I already called an uber. She made me wear a dress I hate dresses. My sister makes fun of me for it all the time. She says I'm too gay. She doesn't care but she likes to make fun of me for it all the time.

"Ok ok I'm coming don't call mom." See I told you she's such a pussy when it comes to mom.

The uber driver smelled gross. Of course drunk Stephanie had to point it out so he gave us death glares the whole way home. I gave him the same glare. Just mine, I would actually kill him he doesn't need to know that though. I helped Steph upstairs so she didn't puke downstairs cause dad would have seen.

As soon as I got finished with her I had to pack for tomorrow and I only packed like 5 outfits because I shouldn't need anymore than that. My little sister loves traveling but I think the only reason is so she can show off our private jet to her friends. She uses our money to her advantage a lot when she has to start working for it she won't. I hope she never has to though.

My little sister Darcy can be a brat but she loves me and looks up to me so I don't ever tell her she's a brat. I would never hurt her. She's been through a lot I just hope she doesn't end up like me. I don't want anyone to be like me. I'm a monster, no one should be like me.

I hope she never has to take another person's life. I don't mind doing it because I know they're all like my dad. They prey on innocent people for money and power. That's all he's ever cared about was the money and the power. He has too much power now I can't ever take him down.

I had a plan a few years ago to take him down. Then by the time I wanted to pursue it he had too much power. We are one of the most powerful families in the mafia and I hate it because the more power the more money. The more money the more jobs the more jobs the more kills. I hate that I have to do all his dirty work for him because he's afraid to get his hands dirty.

Of course I'm daddies little girl so I needed to do it so he would be proud of me. I hate my younger self for loving him so much. I now kill for him. If I could take it all back I would. He's caused me so much pain and he doesn't even care about me. He doesn't ask how my day was or how I am, it's always straight to business. He always just wants to know if I got the job done. I always do so I don't know why he asks. I'm very clean with getting the job done. He used to doubt me because I use knives instead of guns but I hate guns. It's too easy.

I hate the fact that I enjoy the kill now it gives me the same high as a line of coke. Lines of coke are always better though because they last longer. My moms only ever killed once. I look up to her and I feel bad for her having to be with my dad. She deserves more than him. She is amazing. She's not perfect but she's the best mom I could ever ask for.

Stephanie is my big sister. She had her first kill a few months ago she's been drowning herself in alcohol ever since. She had to kill my dad's partner because he was shady and needed to be dealt with and he wouldn't let me kill him. I wanted to kill him because I knew what he did but dad wouldn't let me.

I feel bad for her because she had no time to prepare herself. When you kill someone you need time to prepare yourself because it takes a toll on your mental health. I'm really worried about her because she hasn't broken down or anything. She needs to let her feelings out.

If she keeps them in she'll lash out at someone. I don't wanna be the one she lashes out on now that she's killed because she might do it again. She's not supposed to kill, she does stuff behind the scenes like she handles the money and drugs. I hope she can get through this and get back on track with her life.

My family is really fucked up but there my family. I will always stick by them no matter what. Maybe not my dad but everyone else.

Family before everything always.