Carrying the Torch

Chapter 10: Humpty Dumpty

I tap incessantly on the wheel, trying to focus on driving instead of the mess going on around me.

"Harry, I uhh, think we should talk. Now is as good as ever." She says quietly but I know I'm meant to hear.  "There's traffic up ahead we could be here for a while."

I look further up the road to a horror of heavy traffic.

"Plus you don't look too, good. If you want I can drive and you can sit and maybe rest a bit?" Her forehead creases in concern but I don't buy it.

"We won't be talking I don't need to hear your venomous words, we'll be here a while but, you're going to pretend you're not here with me. I look wonderful actually ask any girl around, I've slept with probably all of them. And, I don't even trust you so, why would I let you drive?" I say harshly, not caring of her delicate feelings.

"Fine we'll ignore the issue for now but at some point we'll talk about it." She sighs, "Harry, I've missed you." She tentatively touches my bicep and softly rubs. I missed her touches.

Her hand on me I can't deal with it, it frazzled me. It comforts my skin but, the reminder of her betrayal abrades the comfort. I push her hand away feeling suddenly too exhausted to deal with all of this.

I watch her as her chest rises and falls, letting out a sigh. And, as she turns her face away from me to watch out the window. I miss her so much.

Why did she have to hurt me? That's what beautiful girls do, huh? They steal your attention then your heart. What the fuck are you saying Styles? Don't fall into her fucking trap again! Have you not fucking learned?!

"Harry." I can hear her soft voice in my head from a distant memory.

"Oh really?" She giggles. I can hear her soft little giggle.

"Stop it Harry!" She laughs hard squirming underneath me. What I really loved was her laugh, and the way she always fit me in every way. Her body always fit mine, her heart always fit mine.

"Harry... baby.." She moans and whimpers. Her body under my spell, under my control.

"Harry!" She yells in anger and anguish. That was a terrible fight but I kinda loved how she was when angry.

"Harry, I'm sorry." It's all I've heard ever since.

Fuck I think I'm losing my mind. I can't keep her out of my head. I want her to fucking disappear from my mind but she won't leave that or my heart alone. I can do this! My insides are melting and jumbled and I can't figure anything out. I can't do this, I can not deal with this.

I lose focus, my breathing coming out hard and uncontrolled, yet it feels like i can't breathe. My heart is beating out of control, and I can't stop my body from trembling. Oh god I feel so fucking nauseous.  The car is out of my control and it slips and slides in the rain as we crash.

Then everything goes black.

When I try to open my eyes they feel too,  heavy and I don't have the strength so I give up.

"Wheeee- ooooo, wheeee-oooooo!" The sound can be heard for miles.

"Wheeee-oooooo, wheeee-oooooo!" It's getting closer because,  it's getting louder.

"Wheeee-oooooo, wheeee-oooooo!" I recognize that as an ambulance siren blaring as it rushes through the streets.

Next thing I know, my eyelids are a vivid red, and I feel myself be lifted up. I can hear murmurs of voices and feel hands touching me. I try to focus on what they're saying.

"I don't know I can't tell, but her injuries could be fatal." Is all I can hear as my hearing is blocked again.

"Wheeee-oooooo, wheeee-oooooo!" The loud sirens cry, piercing through the muffled sounds of everything around me. I realize now something is wrong and they're trying to fix me.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again."

I am Humpty, and no matter how hard they try. They can't put me back together again. Because, the problem isn't physical. She hurt me and not physically,  because I have no bumps or bruises to show what she's done to me.

So, I am Humpty, I've had a great fall, and they can try. But, they won't be able to put me together again. It's not their mess to fix. It's hers.