Before we go

Getting to Caiti...

We were panicking again! Ana was hysterical screaming and pacing left to right and right to left .. listen I said ! Stop ! I grabbed her arms and held her looking into her eyes .. I know this is a really shit situation! Oh you think ? She said ! But I said .. but ! We're still here and we have to find Caiti ! Brendan? I don't know if you've noticed , but we are fucking ghosts !!!! Yes , yes we are I said, but , we're still here ! So we can take care of Caiti .. how she screamed ? How ? Listen I said, I don't know where we were going , where he was taking us ? But if it's without Caiti, I don't want to go , not yet ! She's only 15 Ana ! Her heart will be broken without us ! Now come on ! Get yourself together , we need to find Caiti ! But how Bren ? How ? I don't fucking know ! But we will ! First thing we need to do is get off this road and find our way home !
As we began to walk, I began to skip, then jump , what the fuck are you doing ? Asked Ana puzzled? What I asked ? What the fuck are you doing ? Well, we're ghosts , so I was trying to fly .. she smiled and we both began to laugh , Brendan she asked, are we in limbo ? No, I think it's Tallagh? Wherever we are, it's fucking weird ..
as we got off the road and into the city , we began to feel ok with our situation, it was familiar, we knew the streets, the bars and restaurants, the shops and stores and it was getting closer to Caiti , are you hungry Ana asked me ? No Ana pet, I'm a fuckin ghost ! Why are you ? No I just wanted to see if you were the same . Fair enough I said, understanding the question now, look I said, that little bollox is robbing that car ! I hate those little fuckers ! Do something then Ana said , what ? Do something she said , your a ghost , frighten the little shit ! I smiled , good idea Ana !
As I approached the car, I tried to open the door and frightened the shit out of myself , my hand went straight through the door , oh for fucks sake I said jumping back , Doh ! Said Ana , your a ghost you gobshite ! Ah yeah I said and as I leaned in the door my head was inside the car , fuckin deadly I thought , hey you little fucker I shouted at him !! He just sat there ! It's not working Ana ? He can't hear me ? Give him a punch she said , I tried but my hand went straight through him too , but this time he stopped and looked around , as if he felt something , Ana I think he felt something? Then fuckin hit him again , I went off on him , punching him with all I had ! He jumped out of the car what the fuck he shouted , looking around him and probably imagining he was having a bad trip on whatever drug he was on ! I jumped out laughing and whooping Ana came to me and said I want to try ! I smiled and said deadly , let's go, we headed for the shopping center .
There I said, those two over there, I'm not punching a woman Ana said, you don't have to punch them, try pushing them or bumping into them . Right she said, as she headed over towards them I could see her apprehension, still thinking like a real person I thought , then out of the blue she jumped at the woman on the left and went straight through her, the woman shivered and said to her friend , fuckin hell I got a shiver down me spine ! Did you feel that ? What ? Asked her friend ? I laughed me bollox off ! This ghost thing was a good laugh, but then reality hit me, and I thought of our daughter, some stranger would be telling her about us, probably now, Ana ! Come on, we have to go, Ana could tell by my expression, she knew I was thinking of Caiti, ok she said, let's go .

We made our way out of the center and headed towards our housing estate , as we entered our street there were two unfamiliar cars parked in our drive, come on Ana , there telling her already ! As we got to the house we could hear her , she was sobbing her heart out, Ana looked Greif stricken and I was numb, my worst nightmare was happening, my feeling was of failure, at letting the person I loved with my heart and soul down.. we entered the room she was sitting on the couch trembling, sobbing and a strange woman was trying to comfort her, are you ok love, she was asking her, No Caiti replied, I'm not ok, I'm not ok at all ! I want them back ! They can't be gone! I cannot describe how I felt , but I never wish it on anyone! All I wanted to do was put my arms around her, as I had done a thousand times before , and then it was clear , that's exactly what I need to do , Ana I said, Ana ! She was still dazed and turned to look at me, we need to hug her ! A light shone in Ana's eyes, she understood immediately, a parent's instinct! We moved closer to her, then the woman stood up and walking towards the police officer, began to speak with him, nows our chance i said, you sit beside her and I'll kneel in front, as we placed ourselves in front of our beautiful little girl , a feeling of terror crossed me, what if she doesn't react , or feel our presence, listen to yourself you fuckin gobshite ! It's Caiti , stop freaking yourself out ! What now asked Ana? On 3 you put your arm around her and I'll try to hold her hand , ok, but wait ! What if it's to much , both of us at once ? I don't know Ana ! I never did this before ! Ok she said, then let's try , as I moved my hand closer to Caiti's Again Ana said wait! For fucks sake Ana ! Just put your arm around her ! Stop with the what if's ! As I said this I looked at Ana, and I realized that she was thinking what I had thought moments ago , what if she doesn't feel us ? I put my hand on Ana's and said, we have to try Ana , we have too! She smiled , one of those quivering nervous smiles , ok on 3 she said, 1, 2, 3, Ana lay her hand on her shoulder, and I held her hand in mine , Caiti jolted in her seat , her eyes were wide open and it felt as if she looked straight at me , Dad ? Mama ? Yes! Yes! I said overjoyed , so much I could have jumped and screamed ! Ana was crying , weird to watch when there were no tears , but I felt her joy ! The woman who had been talking to the policeman turned as Caiti spoke, are you alright pet ? She asked , Caiti , slightly dazed, looked at her and said, I felt them , felt who pet ? The woman asked, my Mam and Dad , I felt them .. the woman looked at her, a curious inquiring look, and then said ( to my amazement ) maybe they are here with you ? In spirit , and smiled , Brilliant I shouted ! Fair play to that woman ! I looked at Ana and said will we touch her again ? No said Ana , why not I asked , a bit disappointed at Ana's reply, we need to give her a little time, let's wait until she goes to her room or to bed , then we can try again ok , disappointed as I was, I understood why Ana said this, ok I said, let's wait then .