Hidden Away

Twenty-Eight: Known Circumstances

Rowan and I stand outside the hospital room that belongs to the girl who claims to be my supposedly dead friend. He's been insisting for the past ten minutes that we go into the room and see what was so upsetting to me earlier. I've been arguing with him, wanting to wait for Evan to show up.

A part of me feels like he lied and isn't really coming, but even if he is, he's due to show up any minute if we're going by the time he said he'd be here. My heart skips a couple beats at the thought of getting to see him again after he left. My feelings: the feelings I don't even understand for myself, have been growing and changing since... I'm not even sure when. I don't know if I started feeling something for him since we were kids, since he told me he loved me for the first time, or even since this morning. I don't know. And it's the fact that I don't know what's been going on inside me that frustrates me so much.

For the first time since we both went quiet, Rowan speaks. I'm so sure that he would ask me why I was so upset when I left the first time, which is why it's so shocking to me when he says something completely different; something I've been trying to avoid talking about since it happened. "He came to me yesterday morning and thanked me for letting him stay here. He told me he was leaving," he starts, carefully thinking about his every word before he says it. He knows how upset I am right now, and he doesn't want to say anything that might cause me to break down again.

"Did you...?" he doesn't finish his sentence, but I know what he was going to ask.

My face contorts into an expression of bitterness. Not at Rowan, but at myself for making stupid decisions. "Yeah," I spit. "Yeah, I did do something to him." I begin to think of every possible thing I've done to him ever since I found out what he knew, and my eyes pool with tears. "I yelled at him, I made him cry, and I did everything I could to hurt him, and I regret it— I regret all of it. I regret it all because I realize I love him. I've loved him so long, and it's only taken losing him for me to realize how much he means to me!" A tear escapes my eyes, and I somewhat relax when Rowan places a hand right below the base of my neck, rubbing soothingly. I glance at the clock on my phone. It's been 45 minutes since I called him. He's 15 minutes late. "He's probably not even showing up," I mumble as Rowan rubs my back. "It's all my fault."

"I don't think he thinks it's your fault he left," He whispers. "He left for a reason, and I don't know what reason that was, but I know it was most definitely not because of you."

I let out a short breath and let myself slide down the wall I'm leaning against. Rowan does the same and scoots closer to me, swinging an arm over my shoulders and pulling my head towards him so it's now resting on his shoulder.

"If only I had another chance to talk to him," I whisper. For the first time, I calmly admit what I feel. "I love him, and I just wish I had the chance to tell him that."

My brother's next words make my head snap up faster than it ever has before. "Why don't you tell him that now?"

Evan stands down the empty hallway. From here, he looks like a small thing standing there, his arms outstretched towards us. Towards me.

He starts walking toward me and time slows suddenly, which I'm grateful for. I stand up from against the wall I was just sitting at moments before and start walking. The hallway lights brighten just a little. My whole world brightens just a little, and every ounce of pain I've felt up to this point is suddenly all worth it.

The walk toward each other feels eternal, so I speed up. I don't start running, but my walking turns to speed walking. Suddenly, I'm in his arms, and I forgive him. I forgive him for everything. I know he forgives me too when he gets a hold of the underside of my thighs and he hoists me up, wrapping my legs around his torso, and his lips land on mine. His kiss tells me exactly that; that he forgives me. He kisses me with way more power than the other kisses we've shared. This kiss is long, but not long enough in my opinion.