The Ass-Clapping of QuizUp

Chapter 5: The Koolaid Bar

The kool aid bar was a dimly lit place with round tables. The people seated to our left were bearded, buff, and scary. Despite this, one of the men was wearing a hello kitty patch on his black biker jacket
I walk up to the bar, my ass STILL clapping as i go.
Me and squidy sit next to eachother and passionately makeout.
"Ahem" the bartender clears their throat
I look up and notice that this is not any bartender. This is Arson.
"ARSON?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????" I scream enthusiastically.
"HEY??!! MAMAS !!!??!??!?!??!??!?!?!!!!?????!?" Arson says.
"Hey. Mamas. Ahem" NOT jamie says, upset, angry, and livid that Arson was using hey mamas, their only personality trait.
"I can't believe this?? Where were you??" I sob, once again disappointed in another GN member for not showing up to the funeral
"Where was i?" Arson says. "WHerE WAS I??!???///??? I WAS SERVING FUCKING KOOL-AID TO A PARTY OF 99,029 FIVE YEAR OLDS DID YOU THINK I WANTED TO FUCKING BE HERE???"
"hey mamas..." Jamie says nervously.'
I dramatically sigh and start shaking my ass
"You could have made time." i sigh, still shaking
Arson throws me a disappointed look. They might poison my koolaid later (A/N foreshadowing???) "Anyways.. Bitch..." they say muffled "what do you want to drink? We have kool-aid products"
"Pussy juice flavored koolaid" I say.
"What, you want cum??"
"Yes" I say, dead serious
"I'll be right back..." Arson says sadly
After about 10 minutes and hearing moans coming from the back, Arson and another worker come back holding a glass of clear juice
NOT arlo is very jealous that I'm drinking another person's cum. I see them hissing and scratching from across the room. They'll probably want to peg me later as reassurance that I'm theirs. They're very insecure and need constant validation of our relationship.
(A/N what)
I slurp it all down in under 10 seconds. I feel a pounding in my heart. It's pounding louder than it did when i first saw adrien agreste. It's so loud that my wife squidy begins to notice
"Babe what the FUCK"
I feel my life slowly slipping, and then pulled back up to the surface. NOT arlo the catboy had given me emgerency mouth to mouth and I don't know how mouth to mouth would work in this situation because i was literally poisoned but i don't care
I cough aggressively and spit something up. It was.. It was.. Queen bee??????????
"WHAT THE FUCK" the catboy, who is defintely not arlo yells "we haven't see you in years?? Where have you been??"
"In NOT trashy's stomach apparently" queen bee said, covered in stomach acid
She immediately went to the bar kitchen and started making a sandwich
"HEY EMPLOYEES ONLY >:((" Arson shouts at queen bee. Queen bee keeps on walking. What a bad bitch (A/N what the fuck -arlo)
Suddenly, I fucking explode. My heart may have been restored but the poison was slowly seeping through my system, and it turned me into a BTS stannie again. Not just a stannie - a kinnie. Squidy started to cry.
"I can't-" Squidy chokes on her tears. "I don't know if I can love you anymore..."
"I want it this love~" I sob. "Y-you are the c-cause of my... my euphoria..."
"No," Squidy cries. "I'm getting a divore."
"DIVORE???" Arlo screeches.
"Dashi run run run." I sob. 'Y-you know it all i'm your best friend~,' I sing as Squidy swallows me whole in a Kirby-like manner, as in Kirby from the video game and not any other people named Kirby. I can assure you that Kirby from the Kirby video game series is the ONLY Kirby I am speaking about. I don't know any other Kirbys and I am definitely not talking about them. I am refernceing video game Kirby from Nintendo, a video game company. This is not a reference to any other Kirbys. Nintendo created Kirby, a video game character, and that is who I am talking about.
"Hey mamas," I hear Jamie squeak as I am inside Squidy's stomach. "what the fuck just happened?"
"What did you fucking do to Trashy" NOT Arlo, my non-catboy friend, shouts.
"Mmmm." Squidy says.
"Cause I... I-I'm in the stars tonight..." I whisper.
"Shut the fuck up" Squidy slaps me. somehow. as I am in her stomach.
"This is a very toxic relationship" I say
Squidy slaps me again. I am still in her stomach.
"uhhh annyways...." Jamie says. "Hey mamas."
Arlo starts impulsively doing the catboy dance.
Jamie starts impulsively doing the catboy dance.
The OldManBoyBand starts impulsively doing the catboy dance.
Agent Washington fucking dies. Somehow I see all of this while I am in Squidys womb, which arguably is not how anatomy works but we've already cleared up the fact that I don't know how bodies work. I start impulsively doing the catboy dance. Squidy slaps me again.
Suddenly, ThatVeganTeacher materializes and punches Squidy.
"do not eat meat" she says. I am reborn, assuming I was ever born in the first place..
"Life goes on" I say. Arlo fuckingh punches me, a newborn infant. I smite ThatVeganTeacher with my new God powers. The world is saved. Arson kicks us out of the Kool-Aid bar because we set the whole damn place on fire.