The Ass-Clapping of QuizUp

Chapter 4: The Hunt

"hey mamas?" Jamie whispers.
"where the fuck do we find ryan" I ask "nobody has seen him in years, and he's never let anyone talk to him"
squidy punches a block of drywall that mysteriously appeared there. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL IF I WAS FOLLOWING HIM RN"
"He always says no though" the catboy adds sadly "I've tried"
"hey..." jamie mutters. "mamas... hey mamas..."
"you young hooligans!" Nick says, in an old-man-like way. "we can find his address!"
"And send him sauce" Will adds "just like you fuckers did to me"
walker appears. "i have money"
The crowd cheers.
"OH SHIT," NOT arlo yells. "WALKERS HERE"
"SAUCE," the people chant. "SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE. SAUCE."
I use my super hacker skills to find ryan's address
"We're in." I say as my glasses light up like a smart anime character
"F U C K I N G SAUC E HUIDSHBXVIUSDHBFIHDSEHFAOIEFHESIUDZJCB" the audience cries, all simultaneously foaming at the mouth.
Catboy (NOT arlo) picks up their phone and calls the local pizzeria
"Hi welcome to catboy pizzeria. This is dilara"
NOT arlo immediately starts hissing and arching their back like a cat. They still remembered their earlier exchange and due to their grudge holding personality, they were still pissed as fuck.
NOT arlo jumps up and down in spite, their tibbies bouncing as they go.
'HOLY SHIT' i think. 'I wish i had some big ass mommy milkers too'
"Hey bitch you better stop trying to be a fucking catboy before i use your organs as a straw" NOT arlo yells into the phone
"Okay bitch square up" dilara says
Suddenly dilara teleports to the destroyed church again to battle our local catboy, not arlo.
Arlo's monstrous titties grow to the size of a house and they completely fucking crush dilara. The now flattened Dilara mutters a final word
"Nya" nya weakly squeaks.
"Die bitch" NOT arlo says as they hit dilara over and over with their humongous tits.
Dilara dies. Rest in peace.
Suddenly, the gang gets teleported to Texas, out behind a Cracker Barrel.
(A/N gang??? What is this, scooby boob?)
"HEY MAMAS????" Jamie wails.
"Oh my fucking god," Nick mutters. His juicy old man tits shake with fear.
I find Ryan sitting in a dumpster. How he has fallen from grace
"Hey mamas" Jamie says to ryan
"H-hello" Ryan says in a weak old man voice. (A/N how fucking old is ryan) (A/N no idea i think he's like 17??) (A/N ah i see)
He was shriveled up and looked as if he hadn't eaten for days. The poor man used to rule quizup, and now after it's death he has no children to inherit his role.
"Why didn't you come to the funeral?" I say, tears leaking out of my glowing orbs. Ryan looks at me in disgust, then sees Matt, Nick, Will, and whoever else is in the OldManBoyBand, and grimaces.
"I was at subway" he says, upset. "Now remove those aged heathens from my presence before i go absolutely ballistic and fucking kill them."
"What are you gonna do? Give us a spaken?" I smart mouth ryan
"Yes bitch boy" ryan starts hitting my giant ass with his manly, buff John-Cena-like hand.
"Haha that's my kink" I wink at him (A/N is this going to be smut now) (A/N maybe... jk... unless) (A/N oh no)
"what the fuck" ryan mutters, still slapping my fat, juicy ass.
"Hey mamas?" Jamie whispers, fearful for their little remaining restored sanity.
Suddenly, Ender shows up in a pink lamborghini, just like nicki manaj. She had taken the form of a tiny dog. I didn't know dogs could drive
"Woof woof" ender the dog said "You have found Ryan as I commanded. Have some robux"
Monkey goes fucking ballistic. They start jumping up and down. Their tongue falls
out of their mouth and they dance around with joy and sing why don't we songs. "Holy frick!" They say as their mother has forbidden them from saying naughty words
"Free robux! Just like what the ad said"
Monkey fucking spontaneously combusts from joy
"Rip monke" dead orbit says Solemnly
We all bow our heads in respect of our dear dead friend monkey.
"Hey mamas ooh ooh ah ah" NOT jamie sobbed and added an ooh ooh ah ah for monkey
Ender suddenly starts levitating and descending back into heaven
"In honor of everyone we've lost, we should go out for kool aid"
The catboy (not arlo. Definitely not arlo) starts wagging their tail in joy(A/N isnt wagging your tail a dog thing??). They love kool aid
Suddenly, we transport to the local kool aid bar
"Hey mamas" NOT jamie says as they enter