One Last Time - I'll Make It Feel Like Home

Chapther 2 - Louis

"Oi, fook off!" I yell, throwing the bill at the poor pizza delivery guy. The kid looks terrified. Can't really blame him. I haven't showered in three days and my cheeks are sunken in. My eyes dull with dark bags underneath them and my hair a rat's nest on my head. I'm just wearing a pair of sweatpants, so all my tattoos are on display. My face is probably sporting a pretty angry look as well.

His brown eyes are wide open under his green cap. I probably shouldn't have snapped at him like that, but I'm hungry and he was asking me why I look half dead. Can't it just be the latest fashion trend? What's wrong with being dead? We all die in the end, right? The question is when.

I give him a once over in his yellow t-shirt with a green name tag. His name's Gregory. Gregory has dyed blue hair under his cap matching his blue jeans. "Listen mate. M'srry for snapping at you like that. I just don't like it when people get all up in my business" I explain calmly, watching some of his anxieties disappear.

"Oh. M'srry sir, thank you-"I cut off his mumbling before he can embarrass himself further, "Just take the money and go." Gregory looks back at me with confusing written all over his young features.

"G'night" I singsong as I shut the door in his face. I really hope he didn't recognise me. He probably didn't. One of the few perks of being the least famous out of us. Also not being a 6 feet giant comes in handy from time to time. No! Do not think of him. I am going to eat my avocado free pizza and think about what I can do for the fans. I won't let the thought of them ruin yet another night.

I take a deep breath before turning around and walking back into my living room. I put the pizza down on the glass coffee table. Already having a plate, I plopped down on the grey couch. I let myself enjoy the soft furniture for a second. This is the same couch I had when I lived with him 5 years ago.

This couch along with a box hidden away in the closet is the only l kept from that apartment. I threw the rest away and moved out. Just the thought of staying where I used to be my happiest without the one who made it a home was just unthinkable. Especially after the way he left.

With my eyes squeezed shut and bottom lip between my teeth, I try to calm myself down. I really can't afford another meltdown right now. When I have myself under control again, I reach for the remote. Once friends is playing I lean back on the couch with a plate full of peperoni pizza on my lap.

My apartment is pretty small. One bedroom and two bathrooms. A kitchen, living room and a study I turned into a music room. It's all I need. It's cosy. And I don't have room for anyone to stay over. All I want is to be back with them again, but when that won't happen, this is the next best thing.

I have Clifford, a place to write songs and make music, all I need to survive and a TV. I don't need a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I don't need friends. What I need is Harry, Niall and Liam. I need Zayn too, but I'd never admit any of it out loud. When I can't have them, I'm better of alone.

To take my mind of my regrets and pain, I pull out my phone to tweet something. I take a bite of my pizza. Not bad. It's a lot better than I expected. The flavour and smell filling my senses as I finish my bite. And for once I don't have to worry about Clifford eating the entire thing. I think it's Sunday Lottie was supposed to bring him back home.

Once I'm full I lay down on the couch and close my eyes. Hoping to for once get a good night's sleep without the nightmares.

-

A vibration and a pling next to my face wake me up from a deep sleep.

My eyes open slowly, seeing the TV is still on. "Why?" I whine. Not really feeling like moving a lot, I just lifted my hand to turn the screen on. I squint at the sudden brightness seeing a text from a contact name I haven't seen in a hot minute.