The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

25

TW's:
-Bullying/homophobia (f-slur)
-Death threats (words)

George's POV

My mum painted both our nails and the day passed by really quickly. Clay was a little more relaxed today and we went to bed early. Clay stayed in my room because he just wanted to be with me when he fell asleep. I had been rubbing his back and hair the whole time and he had fallen asleep quickly. My mum got his sleeping medication and it worked so well that he fell asleep before it was eleven in the evening.

Clay woke up really confident next morning and he looked at me, smiling brightly.

'I'm wearing this nail polish to school today.'

'Really?'

'I'm sick of hiding myself. I've hidden the real me for way too long now. I've been in the closet for two to three years and I'm ready to come out. I got outed, everyone knows I'm gay already. I can better accept it, I have nothing to hide anymore.'

'I'm so proud of you,' I whispered, kissing both his cheeks. 'I love you so much.'

'I love you for making me comfortable enough to do this. You are the reason for me to wear this. If people will ever be mean to you, you won't be alone.'

I smiled brightly, pressing my lips on his. 'I love you so much.'

We left to go downstairs and ate our breakfast, leaving to school after that. Literally as soon as we entered the school Clay got bullied. They even left me alone now, just to bully Clay instead.

'Hey, gay boy. Always acting though and bullying that guy and now you're suddenly gay yourself.'

Clay looked at the ground, he was always confident it seemed, but now. He was literally so vulnerable suddenly. I tried sticking up for him, but I couldn't stop them.

'Wearing this stupid nail polish now? Do you really think you're suddenly cool or whatever for coming out for this?'

Clay said nothing, I saw he was getting crushed on the inside. He got pushed against the lockers and kicked against his leg. 'We don't want faggots in this country, can you just kill yourself and no one would care about you. You're actually so ugly and gay, my dad has a gun, I'll give it to you to make you shoot yourself with it.'

I got now pushed against the lockers too so I couldn't help Clay and I grabbed his hand. He grabbed mine tightly and I could see him fighting against his tears.

'Please stop,' he whispered.

'What are you going to do? Cry to your parents?'

'No-.'

'Oh wait, I forgot you don't have parents.'

'How do you know?' Clay whispered.

'Maybe you have to keep private conversations somewhere else than in the school.'

'Don't you dare use his parents for this. You can literally swear the crap out of me and kick me as long as you want, but just leave Clay alone.'

'No, George. You aren't fun, you aren't listening and you don't care, Clay on the other side. We can all see he's fighting against his tears right?'

'Why do you want to hurt him this badly, leave him alone.'

'He's gay, George. We're not leaving a gay boy alone, we want him to kill himself after he's at home.

'Why are you this obsessed with gay people?'

'We aren't obsessed, we want them gone.'

'You aren't obsessed? You're literally pushing two gay boys against lockers and you say you aren't obsessed with us? You can literally just leave us alone and we won't do anything to you. Now we have to talk with you and oh- you're even touching us. Being gay is a disease right? Wait for it to spread over to you!'

'Ew,' the boys said immediately letting go of us.

'You literally aren't cool at all for bullying two boys who like boys. We can't control it at all and why are you so scared?'

'I don't want a faggot to fall in love with me.'

'You know that there is something like preferences, right? I don't fall in love with every boy, I fell in love with Clay, not with you. And I would never like a homophobic arsehole who is just too scared to show the real him.'

'Not going to lie, but Clay was the same.'

'WAS the same. If you don't leave I'll just kiss him in front of you to scare you away.'

'Do you think I'll believe that?'

I grinned and looked at Clay. He smiled softly and pressed his lips against mine, having the three boys walk away as quick as they could. Clay and I didn't break the kiss immediately, but as soon as I felt a tear fall down on my face, I opened my eyes and looked at Clay crying.

'Are you okay?' I whispered, rubbing his hair.

Clay shrugged and sat down on a bench in front of the lockers. I wrapped my arm around him and looked at him. 'I love you.'

'I love you so much too, but- I just don't know if I can do this. I was confident this morning and I was ready to show who I am, but all my confidence is lost again. I can't be like this, I just have to keep hiding myself behind this mask.'

'What's that going to help? Everyone already knows you're gay.'

'I just won't go to school anymore then.'

'Clay, you can't hide yourself for any longer. You've done that way too long.'

'You just don't understand. You don't care about whatever they say, but I do.'

'I did care in the beginning and I learnt not to care anymore. Do you think I haven't been crying nights long because I wanted to be treated normally?'

Clay said nothing and he stared at his nails, trying to scratch the nail polish off a little. 'I'm so sorry, George. I actually am, but- I don't think I can do this. I love you with my whole heart, but I can't. I'm not ready and I don't think I will ever be. I'm sorry, but I break up with you.'

Clay climbed up and ran away, leaving me in shock.

1034 words