The Mbovu Dynasty

Part 39

[Nelisiwe]

"Being a single dad is full of moments that melt your heart, I  get to experience almost every single milestone and memory all to myself.

But while my heart is absolutely full of love and pride from my kids, it’s no secret it’s extremely difficult letting someone else into my world...my bubble... my life as a single dad.

As parents and especially single fathers, we’re always short on extra time or sharing our love, which naturally and happily goes straight to our children first. But if and when the day comes we’re ever ready to take a stab at dating again, we can all agree we wish we could write a letter to the women brave enough to walk a day let alone a mile in our shoes, "

He looked at me, he is concern about the effects of how I mistakenly meet his kids and what does this mean for us now
Me: My thought is that children need a chance to get used to the idea that the parent is dating someone. "
I stopped and looked at him, I hate this topic of us and when are we officially taking this relationship to another level? He is negative...not trusting but yet again wish he soften his heart and let his guard down.

Me: Fear is one of the strongest emotions that dictate what a person will or will not do fear controls us if we let it. "
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow
Me: I understand how people can fear love, the idea of opening up to someone and being vulnerable to pain is a part of the risk that comes with loving. But when you find the right love, you’ll realize the risk is worth it. . ."
Him: I can’t help it. Every time I get into a relationship with someone I like, it’s not long before I’m head over heels for that person. I have such a hard time restraining my emotions, so I know it’s going to hurt that much more when things inevitably come crashing down later on"
I looked outside the window

Me: It’s natural to ruin a relationship before it starts, it's normal to stare at someone you know would be perfect for you, yet you refrain from pursuing them because you allow fear to dictate your actions."
I say without looking at him,
Him: Neli my kids have recently stopped asking me about their mom...and now they start talking about my new lady friend"
Me: what are you trying to say "
Him: this is not about me but them too"

Me: I'm also a single parent, divorced and I'm not routing that we break up but we make this work "
Him: Love is scary. Getting hurt is scarier. . . my last relation left me emotionally scared I can't go back to that place again yet alone I'm afraid I may not treat you right"

Me: But I think we all walk around a little broken from pasts that weren’t within our control. We think walking alone on this journey and not being with someone will protect ourselves and protect others, but the truth is we aren’t supposed to be alone in the world"
He breathes out loud and looked up
Him: do I make you happy "

I smile and look at him, I slowly walk towards him and stood in between his legs, we in his penthouse this is the only place we have been meeting at for the past year and a half, but of late he has asked me few times to meet at his house and it was kind of awkward to be intimate with him in the very same house he bought for his ex-wife.

I held his face as he wrapped his hands around my waist
Me: yes " I said softly
Him: why do want to be with me?"
Me: I feel safe with you. That's why I  can see myself developing as a person by your side, you supportive without being overbearing, you have that ability to exudes calmness in me when I had a bad day. Your laugh shoots spurts of gold into the world where metallics are rare, your smile knocks the wind out of me, you are fun, crazy gentle, and knows just what to say whenever I need comfort. That's why I love you, unconditionally, because you make me whole and happy"

I've never been one who was good at expressing my feelings verbally. I am weirdly shy about pouring out my heart in that specific way. This has definitely been a problem in my past relationships over the years, particularly with my ex-husband, who needed someone more expressive. 
However I find it strange how Banzi just looks at me and without thinking I just pour my heart out at him,

Him: wow.  . . " I kiss him and he pulls me to him and we fall on the bed, his hands caress my body, We go back and forth like this for a while, me, kissing his neck, trying to tempt him to give me what I want without actually making me ask for it. Finally, it becomes clear we are both waiting for the other person to choose which word we are going to use.

Me and Banzi have this thing of calling any sexual act with a specific word, the more the words we used for sex became codes for the type of sex we wanted at any given moment. We can be Lying in our bed watching the sunset and anticipating saying goodbye to one another, he might have whispered, “I want to make you catch the moon” Then we might have had slow, rhythmic sex while staring into each other’s eyes and whispering that we never want the morning to arrive. Or, he might have swung his car onto the highway shoulder, leaned me against the hood, and growled, “You’re so desperate to get pounding,” and then proceeded to rip down my clothes and give me exactly what I was desperate for.
Being with Banzi elevated my sexuality, the words we used became our own secret language, and I didn’t feel awkward asking for where I wanted to be touched, or for what I wanted him to do to me,

I feel his breath hot in my ear. “Just tell me where,” he whispers.
I am demure. “You know where.”
His hand traces up and down my thigh, just barely brushing the place I want his fingers. “Not until you say it.”
My mind floods with words like vagina, way too clinical; cunt, too demeaning; snatch, too 70s porno.
I run my hands on his abbs and damn I like everything about him, his body, his lips, our chemistry, our body pressed together his kissing my neck sending me to ultimate high

I try to flip the situation, ask him instead of where he wanted me to touch him, or where he wanted to touch me, but still, he wouldn’t budge, just continue to trace his fingers up and down my thighs, just barely grazing between, until I felt dizzy with longing for more.

"Banzi"
I sat up and admitted, “I really don’t want to be the one to choose the word for … that,” I motioned between my legs. “There are so many options, and I don’t want to pick the wrong one.”

He laughed a little. “I don’t want to be the one to choose either.” Then after a moment, “You can’t choose wrong.”

let my hand wander down his chest, feeling the heat of his skin, then leaned in to whisper: “I’ll choose for you if you choose for me.”
"pink pearl"
he says sucking my breast
He eased down my leggings, kissed my neck, and finally, finally, touched me where I wanted. “I love how your
pink pearl is always so wet for me,” he half-growled in my ear.
“I want you inside me so bad,” I moaned.

We did the dance it was slow, he took his time worship my body, whispering sweet nothing in my ears, we climax together breathing heavy,
" This feels good," he says cuddling me,
Me: sex with you always feels amazing"
Him: I'm talking about us "
I slowly raised my head and looked at him
He smiled and then kissed my forehead and breath out loud,

Him: so my kids know about us wena when are you planning on telling yours?"
Me: ngisalindile ukuthi ungishele "
He laughed
Him: damn you so rural  "
Me: takes one to see one "
We laugh,
As I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
.
.
To be continued