The Mbovu Dynasty

Part 119

[Mduduzi]

It's been 17 years since Phumla died and my life has gone into something of a fugoid. There was no real control at all. At its best it feelt like a mere procession of days with all the color washed out. At its worst, it's a living nightmare in which I felt like I'm going a little bit mad without her and the knowledge that she is never coming back is almost too much to cope with.

Not long before she died, she asked what I thought would be the hardest thing if she would die,
I replied: "Getting out of bed in the morning." I was wrong. Getting out of bed was not a struggle and, indeed, our youngest daughter Nana made sure of that! She was only 7 or 8 years when Phumla died,
And as much I was an absent father dealing with loss, self-blame,
My duty to care for my children became my number one priority, Started a business and climbed the cooperate ladder.
If only I was told that money can never buy any man happiness

Then there was the impetus to get up and start the day with another women sleeping next to me was the worst experience. . .i felt like I was not given a chance to moan my first love, yet alone show my children that I'm there for them

So the real difficulty I faced was going to bed at night. I should have known that really, given that we did absolutely everything together me and Phumla for so many years, including going to bed at the same time. We never did that thing of saying: "You go - I'll be up in a bit." Going to bed was part of our completely shared life when I visited home.

Victoria will never be Phumla, I love her yes, but she is not the women I saw first the women who gave up her life for me, gave me children... Became the Mbovu wife even without a title in her hand.

I roll over from our bed and I ran my hands on my face, I look at her picture on the side drawer and smiled
Me: today you finally going to be my wife... Words can't explain how sorry I am for how I treated you, I love you so much Phumla"
I took the picture and kissed it,
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[Victoria ]
Ever since the day, Okuhle announced that the Jaxa family had finally agreed that the Ngubane family may come to pay Lobola for Phumla that was the last night I spent with my husband.

It's been a month now and when he's in Durban he spends his night at Menzi's house with his grandchildren when we in Burgerville he spent his nights at Phumla's house.

Coming into my role as a second wife to the love of my life was no easy feat.
It's as if everywhere I turned there was another reminder of his former life, of the woman he loved before me. It was inescapable, perpetual, and at times torture.

There are so many rules and restriction in his father's house, that at times I feel like I can't do this anymore, I remember this one instance when I wanted to surprise my husband with a picnic outing, but I was faced with a canvas print of the entire family, including his parents and late -wife, with his children from his first wife my husband's favorite person in the world, a women that heartbreakingly passed away before I ever get a chance to meet her...
Not only was I shocked to see such a big portrait stepping for the first time in Phumla's house but my husband was not happy to see me.

" Victoria you not allowed in my wife's house "
It's how he said it that made me question my role in his life
Him: I did a lot of shitty stuff not honoring Phumla as my wife, maybe so kind and allow me to respect her house and her honor"
He practically kicked me out and ever since then it's been Phumla this Phumla that...

And Mbovu being a straight talker has made sure that he reminds me every day of my role in this family, in his eyes, I'm just Mdudu baby mama, at time I feel like I am the new girlfriend and I could see how my actions may cause them to compare me to the photos of his late- wife still hanging framed on the wall, It was as if she was more part of the family than I could ever be because of their history and their children together.

" morning "
He says walking in the kitchen and kiss my cheek
Me: hi"
Him: ulale kahle?"
I looked at him, he looks sad, or is he heartbroken I want to ask him what's wrong but I know that these lobola negotiations and talks of Phumla just steered buried emotions of his past relationship

Me: yes.."
I fake a smile
Him: put a headscarf on today, and remain in this house unless Mbovu calls you "
Me: I don't understand?"
Him: when abakhongi come back from matatieyela, songenisa Umaka Vusi emacekeni, he is the first wife and we need to introduce you to her after her wedding"
Me: what?..."
Him: Victoria not now please "
I swallowed he did not even sit down but already he was making his way out,

Me: Mduduzi...I made you food!"
Him: I'm not hungry...
He closed the door and walked out while I placed both of my hands on the kitchen counter.
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