I don't deserve you | YuYanxFemreader

Chapter Six

TW!:

Y/n's pov:

"Your grandmother passed away last night."

The words went in one ear and out the other, my heart dropped.

"A pity isn't it?" My witch of a mother spoke, laughing tauntingly on the other end of the line.I quickly hung up handing my phone over to the director rushing to my room. As soon as I arrived I went straight to bed, luckily no one was in sight. I laid there lifelessly as thought of my grandmother filled my head, while the hot tears silently streamed down my face. Before I knew it everything went black, I had cried myself to sleep.

*Y/n's dream*

I sat on the familiar park bench of my home town. I watched as my grandmother walked towards me with two ice creams in hand, I jumped to my feet in anticipation. "You got my favourite?" She nodded, handing me the ice cream. "Remember what we talked about y/n?" I nodded shyly. "You have to follow your dreams. For him." She then got up and started walking away. "I can't do it without you, please don't leave me!" I begged, she just looked back at me before fading away. I sobbed into my hand as my knees buckled, I fell to the ground. The sky darkened and it began to pour down. I heard footsteps behind me causing me to lift my head slightly. I was faced with him, my dearest brother.

I stood jumping into his arms, "I missed you, why did you have to leave." I lifted my head from his chest. "I love yo-" I was cut off.

Bang!!

The familiar sound echoed through the park. I felt his grip on my waist loosen as his body fell to the ground lifelessly. Blood spilling from his head. His last words were "You did this to me." All signs of life gone just like that, he was gone. This was an all too familiar scene, I looked up meeting the eyes of the shooter. He smirked "Hey princess, miss me?"

I shot up from my sleep in a cold sweat. I looked around coming back to my senses, I saw all the girls in bed with the lights off. I rushed to the bathroom trying my best not to wake my roommates. I stared at myself in the mirror. I placed my hand on my chest trying to calm my breathing. My mind was racing with thoughts of my previous dream. I quickly stripped, hoping in the cold shower, it calmed my body but not my aching heart.

Minutes had passed as I got dressed, staring at myself in the mirror again. I ran my fingertips along the faded scars on my neck and the rest of my body, usually hidden by makeup and clothes. It's addicting, the pain, the bruises, the cuts. It satisfies me. The pain on my skin replaced the pain I feel on the inside, even if it's only temporary. I needed it. I didn't bother to ignore the voices I just let them in.

"What are you waiting for?"

Without a second thought I rummaged through my makeup pull bag pulling out my small silver razor blade. I gave in letting my body slide down the bathroom door. I stared down at my wrists hesitantly.

"Maybe if you were better, you wouldn't have gotten your own brother killed."

"Shut up!"

"You'll never make it as an idol and you know it. They were right, you're too ugly."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I begged

By now I had probably caught the attention of my roommates, but I didn't care. The only thing I was focused on was the voices ringing through my ears, my own conscience consuming me.

"Why can't you just accept it. You don't deserve to live. Just end it right here right now, then it's all over."

"I can't" I cried out

"Why not? What's stopping you?"

"Fuck this."

I rolled up my sleeve, slashing the skin with my blade, blood endlessly dripping from the cuts. I slapped my hand over my mouth in a failed attempt to suppress my sobs falling from my lips, as I watched the crimson blood leak onto the floor.

I let out a tired sigh getting up and cleaning up my mess. I wiped my tears, rinsing my bloodied hands in the sink. I applied makeup to my cuts, rolling my sleeves back down, stopping for a moment to catch my breath. I opened the bathroom door, my eyes met with my concerned looking roommates.

"Are you alright?" Jenny asked worriedly. "I'm fine, why?" I questioned getting ready to lie. "No you're not, we heard you!" A disappointed yu yan said, raising her voice a little. I couldn't deal with that look right now, it just made all the pain come back, seeing as I had worried all these kind souls. "I just miss home, that's all." I tried to fix the situation by blurting out the first thing that came to mind. Diamond gave me a sympathetic look pulling me into a hug, followed by Jenny. Yu yan just stared at me with an unreadable expression.

'Does she know I lied?' 

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Damn that was depressing, if you're not comfortable with things like this I do suggest you leave. As always, I hope you guys enjoyed :) I will be writing a Jiu book soon if anyone actually cares.