Sunsets and storms ✓

Chapter 16

MATTHEW

After talking to Megan I felt better about the whole situation with my father. I already accepted that my relationship with my father was non-existent, this is just a confirmation about why I decided to no longer have contact with him. It felt good to just joke about it with Megan. Because to be honest, the whole situation is something I could have stolen straight out of a stand-up comedy show. Now that I managed to get over the initial shock, it's time I tell Evan and Logan about it. They know everything that happened, every little thing. There's a lot, most of which I don't like to talk about. I've spend years with my therapist trying to get over certain things. I haven't told Megan much, it's not that I don't trust her, it's just very scary to go over everything again. Especially since I don't want her to think differently about me.

I tell they guys everything. They know me well enough to know I won't go. We only talk for it for a few minutes before we move on. That's the biggest difference between talking to the guys or to Megan. Apart from the fact that the guys know me completely, we have enough with just a few words. If I was struggling, I know they would be there for me, but with Megan it's so different. She asks questions about what happened, about how I feel, what I want to do. I never had anything like that with anyone other than my mum.

That night mum calls me again to ask how I'm doing. I tell her that I'm okay with it now and I tell her all about Megan. The past few days I tried not saying too much about her so mum won't ask questions. But at this point I don't even care if mum thinks there is more between us, because to be honest I wish there was more. And maybe if mum gets all happy about me and Megan getting together, I actually grow the balls to do something about it.

"Talk to her, darling. She sounds like an amazing girl and you seem to trust her. Just tell her. I promise you, if she sees you any different she's not worth it, but I don't think she will by what you tell me. She already told you she doesn't have a relationship with her dad, she can probably relate to some things."

I think about what mum just said. It's scary as hell to just think about telling Megan everything. I do trust her. But my life is not easy to explain. I don't even know if I'd be ready go through everything again.

When I wake up the next morning it's raining. Megan already said it would but I still wasn't expecting it. With everyone in the house and not much to do everyone started to get at least a little annoyed. Megan went back to her room to watch Netflix while Adele was watching something in the living room. Me, Logan and Evan kept ourselves occupied in our room with occasional visits to the kitchen.

Having not much to do otherwise, I had plenty of time to think about the advice mum gave me yesterday. What's the worst thing that could happen? She wouldn't want anything to do with me probably. Sure, that would make the rest of the holiday rather awkward but I still have my friends with me. I don't like talking about it and I never will, but someday I will have to tell someone, maybe it's easier that Megan and I don't know each other through and through.

Still feeling a little anxious I walk upstairs and knock on Megan's door. She tells me to come in, although she still has no idea who's in front of her door.

"Hey, can we talk?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"So, I don't really know how to start but it felt good to talk to you yesterday about what happened, but I didn't tell you the full story. My relationship with my dad was already bad before he started dating Esme."

She tells me that I can tell her anything and that she'll be here for me. That's all I need to start my story, the full story.

"My parents met in high school and just before they graduated they found out mum was expecting. They got married straight away but two years later they got a divorce because my father didn't want to be committed. He was never really involved in my live and when David came into my life a few years later he took the father role on him completely. I would go to my father some of the weekends but he was always too busy with his friends. One of those friends, started acting weird. Most of the time he would ask me inappropriate questions, I was only ten at the time. He'd ask me about sex and masturbation and stuff and one time he touched me. I told my father later that day but he didn't believe me and said I was just seeking attention. The next time it happened, I snuck away an called my mum, while still on the phone, my father's friend started saying all kind of perverted things but he didn't know my mum could hear him. She came to pick me up straight away and I started going to therapy shortly after. I didn't see my father for almost three years, but since he still had the legal rights my mum had to let me go to him on the weekends again. Going back to the house was hard for a few years but my therapist helped me a lot with dealing with my feelings and everything that happened. The friend got arrested for multiple crimes but my father never spoke about it or apologised for not believing me. Our relationship was never the same after that. As soon as I turned eighteen, I asked David to officially adopt me and I changed my last name to his. I didn't want anything to do with my father and I liked having the same last name as my brother. I only saw my father twice after that."

Well, I said it all. Nothing more to hide. One the one hand it feels good to have finally told someone who wasn't there to witness most of it happening, on the other hand the look on Megan's face makes me nervous. I cannot expect her to just act as if I didn't throw my family history on her in a mere five minutes.

"Okay, this is a lot of information. First off, excuse my language, but your father is a dickface. I mean, who treats their child like that? Secondly, you are amazing. You went through all of that and turned into this amazing person."

I don't know how to respond to the last part. How do you respond to a compliment like that? Say thank you? So, I decide to do the only think I can think of, look away and try to hide how awkward I'm feeling.

"I'm glad you had David as some sort of father figure to make up for it."

"David is amazing. From the moment he and mum got serious he treated me like his son and took me under his wing. I still struggle with calling David dad sometimes because of the link to my father, but he really is the best dad to both me and Louis."

She tells me about her family, or the lack thereof and I realise that we're a lot more similar that I thought. Hearing about how she isn't seeing anyone in her family, makes me even more grateful of my mum and David. No matter what I'm going through, I know I have a family and a home to go to. I wish Megan had that, because I know how amazing it is and how much you need it at times. From that moment on, I decide, I will be there for her. No matter how things go, no matter if I tell her how I feel about her or not.