An Unexpected Change

Chapter 4

I woke up in a sweat, my heartbeat racing. I was breathing heavily, my lungs felt like they were going to burst. I held my head as if that was going to get rid of the images. I felt darkness creep into my eyes, barely making out any light at all. My breaths came quicker and I knew I was having another attack. But why? I hadn't had one in a long time.

I stood up and got off my futon, leaving a sleeping Nezuko behind. I stumbled through the room, occasionally falling to my knees. I strained to get back up. My legs felt weak and numb, but I was eventually able to get up. I felt something wet hit my hand and I realized I was crying. Tears were streaming from my eyes like waterfalls. I opened the door as quietly as I could and passed all the boys. I went outside and then took deep breaths of the night air, trying to calm myself down.

My breaths eventually evened out, but the tears kept coming. No matter how hard I tried they wouldn't stop. So I just sat there, tears running down my face, listening to the sounds of the crickets. The sound was soothing to my ears. The pain in my legs and chest eventually went away. I felt calm throughout my body and the images that haunted me eventually disappeared too.

I closed my eyes and felt the last two tears land on my face. I sighed. Crying felt nice. It was a way to get all of my energy and emotions out. My mom had always told me that I shouldn't be afraid to cry. She had a saying: "people cry, not because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long". (Wise words from wise Johnny Depp) For years I tried to keep my past tucked away in the corner of my head, but I knew that someday I would have to face it or the darkness I felt would eventually take over and rule my life.

I had been alone all of the other times I had to face it, but now I had Tanjiro and Nezuko. Zenitsu and Boar Head. I knew I wasn't alone anymore and it reassured me. I felt my eyes slowly close and I drifted into unconsciousness. 

Tanjiro pov

I opened my eyes to see y/n's door open. I got out of bed and looked in her room to be met with just Nezuko. I looked around frantically, looking for y/n. Where had she gone? Was she ok? I looked around my room and spotted the door that headed outside open just a little bit. I rushed over and opened it a little, seeing y/n sitting on the porch a few feet away. Her face was shining in the moonlight and I couldn't help but think she was beautiful. The way her soft lips looked when she smiled and how her eyes light up when she's happy. She was stunning. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I heard a quiet thud. I was snapped out of my thoughts and looked at y/n, seeing that she had fallen over, now laying on her side. I quietly ran to her, afraid something was wrong. When I was by her side I noticed she was just asleep and I let out a sigh, relieved. I inspected her face some more. Her eyes were red and puffy. Had she been crying? Her face was scrunched up, as if in pain. My breath hitched. It reminded me of the other day when she had broken down and cried when I had shown her the stars. She was hiding something, something that made her heart break by just thinking about it. I couldn't imagine such a sweet creature going through something so horrid.

I carefully picked her up and into my arms, keeping her close to my chest. I could feel her warmth spread throughout my body. I pulled her even closer. My heart fluttered a little but I ignored it, knowing this wasn't the time to think about it. I needed to focus on y/n.

I carried her over to the door, making sure her head didn't hit it as I walked in. I passed Inosuke who was snoring loudly and spread out starfish style and then Zenitsu who was rolled up into a little ball, snoozing silently. As quietly as I could I walked into y/n and Nezuko's room and gently set her down on her futon. I was about to pull away when I felt something holding on to my shirt. I looked down to see, still sleeping, y/n, keeping a firm grip on me. She mumbled a little 'don't leave'. I blushed deeply at the gesture. I gently held her hand and removed it, laying it down by her side. To be honest, there was nothing I wanted more than to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything would be alright, but I had only known her for a couple of days and that didn't seem right. Also, Nezuko was sleeping with her and that would be embarrassing to wake up and have her see us. My face got redder at the thought.