Poetry: the things I won't say out loud

7.

i hate the way i didn't hate him.

i hate the way i stayed too long with someone who never saw my worth.

i hate the way i loved him.

i hate the way that he only loved me sometimes.

i hate the way he played me.

i hate the way i was stupid enough to stay.

i hate the way i had to count to ten and hold my breath because of something you said.

i hate the way i held back tears.

i hate the way we stayed the same.

i hate that i'll never love anyone else the way i loved you.

i hate that you destroyed me so much, i didn't recognize myself in the mirror.

i hate that i was never good enough for you.

i hate that you saw my worth when i finally had the courage to give you an ultimatum.

But mostly, i hate the way i don't hate you.