Jump

Morning Coffee

I wake up in the morning and drink my morning coffee as I look outside my window,

I don't look at anything in particular as I stare outside, my mind blank,

As I stare outside blankly, a thought comes to my mind,

This thought persists, I take a sip...

My heart beats fast, my thoughts go on slow,

I see a bridge in my thoughts, very tall with vehicles driving below,

I can see myself running, running, running,

I catch my breath and stair down at all the traffic,

All I want to do is........

I take another sip of my coffee and head towards the dining table,

I put my cup down and make some scrambled eggs and toast,

I sit and eat, eat and sit, I take a sip my heart starts pumping,

I finish my meal, go up, dress up,

I comb my hair, wavy, soft, flawless,

But truly there's only one thing in my mind,

It's not my looks, although I look fine,

I see the bridge in my vision once more,

I see myself running, I open the door,

I put on my shoes, some low pumps to go,

I step outside, my car now on, although I'd rather run,

My heart will never stop speeding, and I know I will too,

Driving my Nissan Sentra for 15 minutes soon,

I head out of my driveway, I blow a kiss to home,

The thought once again reaches my head, it won't leave me alone,

I see myself looking down, at the bottom of the bridge,

The cars going 65, and I'll be heading there 106,

Don't care if the cops stop me, nothing matters to me,

I stop at the bridge, then park on the curb,

I put my hazards on, I head on forward,

I look down from the bridge, I can see all below,

My thoughts interrupt again, and then give me a show,

In my head I can see myself close to the edge,

The beautiful sky, the tints of red,

The birds are flying, I feel the breeze,

I hold my breath, I feel at ease,

In my vision, I feel the most joy as I want to just....

I open my eyes, looking at my now reality,

I feel myself flustered with more joy and sanity,

I can't say I ever belonged, or that I ever was right, but was always wrong,

I did so much bad, and so little good,

I had to live by, but nothing felt good,

Ruined so many lives, and there was no point,

I shed a single tear, as I finally can say I will just......

Jump.