not the end | DNF |

2 - Highway Driving

My head pounded, the weight of emotion from last night stabbing into my temples. I screwed my eyes shut harder in attempt to block out the sun, unsuccessfully as it was well past 11am. I raised my hand, numb after sleeping on it in a weird position for such a long time, to shield my eyes from the heat and light entering through the small crack in my blinds. My hand flopped down onto my forehead in exhaustion, weak, similar to the rest of my body after the excessive sobbing I had experienced the night before. I rubbed the sides of my head in an effort to relieve some of the pressure trying to implode my skull. A loud groan escaped my mouth as I rolled over in my heavy blankets, kicking them off in annoyance as the sliver of light slowly caused my body to heat up. My eyes slowly opened, I could feel the puffiness remaining, the crusty tears that had solidified as had fallen asleep. I carefully rubbed it away, my head immediately throbbing at the lack of relief. My legs curled towards my chest again, as the feelings from last night quickly returned, a wave of sadness and jealousy poured over me. The wave kept going, filling me up, each thought bringing a fresh shiver through my entire body as I began to drown in the negative emotions.

I was alone.

Completely alone.

My two best friends were living it up together in the house meant for all of us, while I was stuck here. In my own stupid house, in my own stupid country, thousands of miles away from the people I cared about most in the world. Tears began to drip down the side of my face again, one rolling over the bridge of my nose, slightly tickling me as it trickled towards the pillow below my cheek. I let out a heavy sigh, realising the stupidity behind my feelings. As the sobs turned into weighted giggles, which pressed down hard on my lungs with each release, I thought about how dumb it all was. How I was crying over my fucking friends living together. Crying over my own selfish emotions because I was such a shitty person that I couldn't even let them enjoy a few months of living together without me. I started laughing manically at myself. My idiocy. My worthless emotions.

Absolutely fucking pointless.

Did that stop me from crying? No. As I heaved with laughter the tears continued to stream down my cheeks, soaking my pillow once more. I laughed at myself, at how clingy I was, that I couldn't even let people I had never even met in real life before hanging out without poor little self-pitying Georgie.

I sat up, shaking my head in disgust at myself, pinching my arm to collect my thoughts. Stop. I needed to stop being dramatic. I grabbed the pillow from under my head and threw it across the room in annoyance.

'Stop it George, you overthink everything just stop being such an over dramatic loser and get it together you wimp.'

I slid my legs off the bed and pressed my toes hard into the wooden floor, eager to feel the physical stimulation, to feel figuratively and literally grounded once again. I snatched my phone up off the side table, seeing that 'miss you' by Louis was playing, one of my favourites. I turned on my Bluetooth and heard the beep sound signaling that my phone was connected to my speaker, and turned the volume up immediately as I walked into my kitchen.

We're dancing on tables

And I'm off my face

With all of my people

More like with none of my people.

And it couldn't get better they say

Oh it could most certainly be better.

We're singing 'til last call

And it's all out of tune

Should be laughing but there's something wrong