Nathan's POV
I scrunched my eyes as the sun bursting through the bedroom window blinded me. As I turned over, I checked the time. 10:53am. Putting my phone down, I noticed Jay wasn't in bed. I sat up and got out of bed, quickly glancing at myself in the mirror. Man, I do NOT look good in the morning; my hair was stuck up all over the place, not to mention the tired look on my face. I'd had a crazy dream that night, which kinda worried me a bit. But hey, it was just a dream!
"Morrrnin!" I said, walking out the bedroom.
"Hey lazy bones!" Jay laughed.
"What time were you up?" I asked, jumping on the sofa.
"About half seven" Jay replied, happily.
Jay seemed extremely happy this morning, especially after yesterday.
"Mate, what's got you feelin' over the moon?" I laughed.
"Nothing really, just in a good mood" Jay grinned.
The way he smiled at me made me feel like there was something that had made him so happy, and I wanted to know what.
"I had the weirdest dream last night!" I quickly changed the subject.
"Yeah? What about?" Jay asked, handing me a cuppa, sitting opposite me.
"Well, I was in the hotel room, but I fell asleep on the sofa, so you came in a put me in bed" I started to explain.
"What's so weird about that?" Jay asked, confused.
"Well, it was the fact that you kissed me afterwards!" I struggled not to laugh.
But Jay didn't react the same way I did. He looked at his feet, fiddling with his hands. It confused, yet worried me too.
"Jay..?" I put my mug down on the coffee table in front of us.
There was a sparkle in his eyes, and I could see the tears forming in his eyes. He stood up, walking stightly away, turning his back on me.
"Mate, are you okay?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.
"You didn't dream that part..." he muttered, "...the kiss."
I suddenly moved my hand after what Jay had said. I loved him, but no, not like that! I backed off away from Jay.
"Wait, what?" I stuttered in confusion.
Jay sighed, "Nathan, this is so hard for me to say..."
I started to get angry, "Jay, just spit it out!!"
Jay turned to me, tears dripping from his eyes. Seeing him upset always made me upset. That was the thing, I loved Jay as my brother. And that's the way I wanted it to stay. I couldn't lose that friendship we have!
"I'm gay, Nathan! And you know who I've fallen for?!" Jay shouted, "YOU!"
I felt tears run down my face, "No, Jay, no please."
"What? I can't help it Nathan! You've only got to look in the mirror; you're AMAZING! You can't change how I am, Nath. I, I-" Jay stumbled on his words.
"Jay, please don't say it" I pleaded through my tears.
"Nathan, I love you! Do you know how long I've been wanting to tell you that?!" Jay sobbed.
"Jay, just stop! Look, I can't hear this. I understand that you're gay, okay? But you need to understand that I'm not. I love you as a brother, just no more than that. Besides, I could never give you what you need, I'm just not, not... not the right guy. But there's someone out there who can, just not me. I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes, breathing a massive sigh, knowing how hard that was for me to say. But before I knew it, Jay had grabbed hold of me, slamming his lips against mine. The moment I realised what happened, I tried so hard to push him off. As Jay let go of me, I fell backwards on the floor. Jay looked scared, as I glared at him.
"I thought you'd get the message after I explained it!" I shouted at Jay.
"Nathan, I-I didn't mean to!" Jay cried.
"Jay, just leave me alone! I'm not gay, and I don't want this!" I climbed to my feet, heading to the bedroom.
"Nathan, please. Don't be mad at me" Jay begged, following me.
But I didn't listen. I grabbed a t-shirt, jacket and a hat, slipping my hi-tops on all at once. As I was about to walk out the door, Jay grabbed my am.
"Nathan!!" Jay pleaded for my forgiveness & for me to stay.
"JAY JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
I pushed him off, slamming the door behind me. So I ran, where to? Anywhere, as long as I was away from what just happened. Just thinking about it made the tears come back. I stopped outside a shop in the street. The rain was beating down on me, covering the tears I cried over the fear of losing my best friend. I looked at myself in the window. The thoughts of what Jay could be doing right now haunted me. I felt guilt in my stomach.
Look at yourself Nathan, he couldn't want you. He's a liar. Who would want you? You're nothing but a pathetic, stupid, ungrateful idiot.
I'd never thought about things like this before. But at the moment... I believed everything my mind was saying...
