Jay's POV
I felt as if I'd been hit by a lorry. Actually, make that 10 lorries. I was crushed. I couldn't believe that even after Nathan explaining he wasn't gay, stupid me went and kissed him. I was shaking, one cos Nathan had scared me, and two, I felt like such a prick. I stumbled towards the kitchen, and attempted to pick up a cup. But it fell from my hand; the glass shattering, a bit like my heart. I locked the door, then picked up the largest piece of glass from the floor. As I slowly dragged it against my skin, I only thought of Nathan. It was so painful, knowing the guy I loved the most in the world didn't feel the same way. Blood dripped on the floor as the tears did from my eyes.
You deserve this Jay... Nathan doesn't want you and he never will...
I suddenly dropped the shard on the side. I couldn't bear the pain anymore; I was in enough from earlier. BUZZ. I looked over at the coffee table; my phone was ringing. As I wandered over to the table, still crying, I looked at who was phoning me; Max. SHIT.
"H-Hello?" I spoke nervously.
"Mate, this is so important!" Max said panicking.
I was a little confused, but I was too scared in case it had anything to do with me.
"What's wrong?"
"It's Nathan. He's gone missing!"
My heart stopped. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Nathan. Gone.
"He won't pick up his phone, answer texts or anything! We need to find him; he could be anywhere, Jay!"
"I-I'll be down in a minute!"
I hung up, dropping my phone in the process.
Nathan wouldn't be gone if it wasn't for me...
I couldn't tell everyone about this morning. What if it IS to do with this morning?! The thought of Nathan being lost, really, really scared me. I had already dressed before Nathan woke up, so I grabbed my jacket and phone, rushing for the door.
"Right, who's gonna go where to look for Nath?" Tom asked.
All us lads, Big Kev, Martin and Jayne were all downstairs in the lobby.
"I'll go this way" I said, pointing towards a park on the map, "But I want to go alone."
Everyone stared at me, curious at what I'd said. But, I ignored it, and ran off to find Nathan.
It's my fault. He's gone because of me.
"NATHAN!!" I shouted, hoping he would hear me.
I'd been rushing around for at least an hour already, and there was no sign of him. Unluckily for me, it started to rain. And not just a light shower; a full on thunderstorm. Fan-fucking-tastic. I was at a park, but I was the only one there. It was completely deserted.
"Nathan!" I called again, practically begging for him to come home.
I choked on my words, as I attempted to say his name again. I sighed, having to face the fact that Nathan wasn't here. So I had no choice but to return to the hotel, Nathan-less. I watched my feet the whole way back, playing 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran on repeat. That's all I wanted to do; know that Nathan's okay, have him come back, so I could just, well, kiss him.
Uh, no. Remember this morning, idiot? It's all YOUR fault he ran away in the first place. Don't even bother.
As I closed the hotel room door, I slid down against it, clutching my knees to my chest.
"Nathan, please. Just come home..." I cried quietly to myself, "...I miss you."
