A closer look into different moments before, during, and after a break-up - moments that we usually repress, not realizing how much we can grow from these experiences if we just take time to process them.
It's been raining the whole day, quite the right weather for his emo self to nudge him and pluck his heartstrings again. He woke up early and saw the gloomy skies theough the window looming over like the dread that's been creeping slowly inside him in the past days. He would usually spend a few minutes scrolling through his social media but this time, he just wanted to stare at those dark clouds trying to spread themselves across the skies.
He's been telling everyone that he's ok, telling himself more often, that life's good and everything's all under control. But there are days when the littlest of things, the small stones that life throws at him that wakes up the emo self. And it's a different interaction every f*cking time. Some days, it's just taunting him to go online to look for guys to hook up with to release the pent-up stress from work. Other days, it's a full-blown attack on his self-worth, the kind that leaves him doubting everything good that's been happening to his life, all the people who embrace him whole-heartedly. In all these interactions, he always tries to reason out and convince the emo self that he is stronger than his loneliness, he is capable of picking himself up and focusing on the brighter side of things. Sometimes he wins. And it feels good. And finds that motivation to get up again and face the day with a big smile on his face. Sometimes, he succumbs to the sadness and everything else goes down with him. And it sucks. Because he knows he's better than this. Everyone around him has been nothing but appreciative and supportive. But days like these, it seems like his emo self has mustered enough energy to push him back to the wall to tell him who's the boss.
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He feels embarassed whenever he thinks about those nights when he cries in bars or becomes a party-pooper or bails out on a brunch date. As much as he wants to return to his usual self, it usually takes time for him to recover. He pre-occupies himself so he doesn't think about it too much. But emo self always finds a way to make its presence felt, goading him and letting him know that he's won again. It's annoying, he knows, and he's been working so hard to lessen these kinds of defeat, trying to plan out an effective defense strategy whenever he feels like he's going to lose again.
The rain is full-on beast mode now and he can barely see the horizon from his window. He turned off his AC and looked around his room, trying to figure out how to start his day. You'll just laugh about this someday, he would tell himself whenever he's on the road to ignoring the emo self. He thought, these stories of defeat are worth re-telling in the future when he's in a better place. Oh, how good would it feel when his future partner would just listen intently to these stories while holding his hand and would laugh with him after, wrapping him in a comfortable and secure embrace, and whispering to him, "You've won now, babe. Love will always win in the end."
