Attraction (Haikyuu One-shots)

Atsumu's Secret (SakuAtsu)

Atsumu kept one secret to himself. He never spoke about it, not even to Osamu, who always had to listen to all of Atsumu's stories, complaints, and whining. Atsumu never kept anything from Osamu and would even tell him unnecessary details, which surprised Atsumu that he could keep his secret until he got married.

But secrets were meant to come out.

No one knew why Atsumu and Sakusa never kissed, not even at their wedding when they're in a relationship that lasted for a decade, and when people ask why, they received an answer that they never expected.

"Atsumu doesn't want to" it's the same answer Sakusa gives out to anyone who asks.

"Aren't you tired of forehead kisses and holding hands?" A question he's always been asked in the past decade.

Sakusa sighs and says the same answer he's repeated throughout the ten years of loving Miya Atsumu, "no, I'm fine with anything Atsumu's comfortable with, and if that means not having any kisses or sexual intercourse for the rest of my life, then I'm fine with it. I don't need sex anyway. All I need is Atsumu,"

Sakusa wasn't lying when he said he was fine with forehead kisses and holding hands. He enjoyed the cuddle and the small kisses he receives from Atsumu. But that doesn't mean he never wondered why Atsumu didn't want to kiss or have sex. Sometimes, he asks himself, "Is there something wrong with me?" He'd be lying if he says he never felt insecure when people ask why they aren't intimate, and he'd be lying if he says he doesn't want to know why Atsumu refuses anything sexual.

It's not like they never tried. They did, specially Atsumu, he really did try, but when Sakusa's lips were only a few centimeters away from Atsumu's, and he could feel Sakusa's breath on his skin, the blond started to tremble, his eyes were shut tight, his breathing caught in his throat, and his tears slip from his eyes. That's when Sakusa found out Atsumu can't. Even if he tried, he can't handle anything intimate, not even a simple kiss on his lips. So, Sakusa backed away and pulled him into a hug.

"You don't have to push yourself. It's okay," Sakusa says as he rubs comforting circles on Atsumu's back.

"I'm sorry, Omi," Atsumu cries into his chest as he grips Sakusa's jacket, his entire body was still quivering, and his sobs freely escaped his lips.

Ever since then, Sakusa didn't ask nor told him to try again. He contented himself with what Atsumu had to offer, and to be honest, he was happy. As long as Atsumu's in his life, then he's good. He doesn't need anything else, he just needs Atsumu by his side, and everything's fine.

So, when Atsumu attempted to break up with him during their fifth anniversary, Sakusa panicked.

"What?" Sakusa asks to confirm what he just heard. He watched as Atsumu fiddles with the zipper of his jacket, his eyes avoiding Sakusa's.

Sakusa could hear how his heart shattered like a glass that just fell to the ground. His heart was pounding against his chest so hard as if it wants to escape his ribcage and go to the man standing in front of him.

"Atsumu, look me," Sakusa says and closes the gap between them with a few strides. He cups Atsumu's face in his palms and forces the blond to look at him straight in the eyes, "Is that what you really want? I'll let you go if it is,"

Atsumu's eyes tear up, and that's an answer in and of itself. Relief washes over Sakusa when Atsumu hugs him and buries his face in his chest as he shakes his head furiously, "no," it was a small whisper that could've been carried away by the wind if Sakusa wasn't being hyperaware of everything Atsumu was doing at the moment.